Wednesday, March 08, 2000

All is right with the world: Al Gore is cleaning up in the primaries and Austin said "uh" 14 times in one sentence (I counted. I really do need to find something better to do with my spring break, huh?). Austin gets line of the day:
"I'm having a hard time forming my words."

Abe's hearing is wrapping up.
Lexie: Abe, I wanna be here for you. Isn't Brandon, who happens to be the cause of all of your problems, wonderful?
Benny: Mrs. Carver shouldn't be here.
Brandon: No, I want Lexie-
Benny: So that's what this is about-
Brandon: To stay.
Benny: You're cold and calculating, but you are smart.
Brandon: I wasn't aware that calculating and smart were generally mutually exclusive.
(to the room) My only demand is that Abe Carver not lose his job.
Lexie: See! Brandon is wonderful. That was not at all suspicious . . .

MEANWHILE, everyone wakes up at the Kiriakis Mansion.
(as Nicole drinks from her bedside liquor cabinet) How do you feel about me?
Nicole: Gee, guess.
(Lucas rolls on top of her.) Get off me!!
Lucas: What's wrong?
(after ten minutes) Um, cramp! Yeah, that's it.
Lucas: Must be. I know that you're passionately in love with me. The signs are all there.
(Starts to kiss her.)
Nicole: I feel better. Go take a shower! A cold one!
(next room)
Victor: Kate. We shouldn't be married while I can't perform. What if you want more children?
Kate: First of all, why would I want more considering what the ones I have are like? And second, we used artificial insemination for Philip anyway.
Victor: Don't confuse me with the facts.
(guest house)
Sami: Austin, you spoil me.
Austin: I'm fairly sure you were already spoiled by the time I met you.
(Near-sex ensues, and it's disgusting.)
Austin: Wait, uh, I'm, uh, having, uh, hard, uh, time, uh, forming, uh, my, uh, words.
Sami: This is different from normal how?
(All enter the dining room.)
Sami: And I had a dream that I rescued my family. I rescued Mom, and John, and Eric, but Belle fell out of the row boat and drowned.
Oh my God! You killed Belle? You bastard! It must be because you're sexually frustrated. I know Austin isn't getting any; haven't you seen how he looks at me?
Sami: He feels sorry for you.
Nicole: Sounds similar to how his relationship with YOU started, right?
Lucas: Forget about all that. At least Nicole and I are in love and *satisfied*.
Victor: Lucas, I used to like you, but that's enough. Move out of my house within thirty days, and that goes for the rest of you, too.
Lucas: It's not my fault. I was enjoying my breakfast and Sami started with me! Why, Sami?
(crying) Please, please, I'm so sick of acting with Duh-Boy! My scenes with you are so much better!
Lucas: You're just jealous because you can't find anyone stupid enough to commit to you.
Sami: This is Salem. There is no "can't find anyone stupid enough" about anything.

End of Show
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