Tuesday, February 22, 2000

Welcome to ClayZebra's
Viv and Ivan Memorial episode of the Daze of Our Lives Synopsis.

Our show begins with Vivian knocking on Nikki and Kate's hotel room door.
Kate: Well, I'm about an inch away from having a secret extramarital affair here. So, Nicholas, why don't you answer the door wearing nothing but a smile? That won't look suspicious.
Nikki:
(opening door) Auntie Viv, what are you doing here? I can't believe you'd bring Victor here to walk in on Kate while she's cheating on him.
You've never done anything to Kate while trying to get Victor for yourself before.
Vivian:
(entering) It will be Kate's fault if Victor sees her in bed with a man half his age!
Kate: Half Victor's age? So how old is Nicholas supposed to be now, anyway? I thought he was born in 1984.
Vivian: Well, his mother was in school with Jennifer Deveraux, who was born in 1976. And when Victor tried to marry her, she looked about half his age.
What I'm saying is, I stopped keeping track of Nikki's age once he got to be older than his mother.
Nikki: Interesting as this is, I'd like to remind you that I'm standing here mostly naked.
Kate: And you do it very well.
Vivian: Do you want Victor to catch you?
Nikki: Leave her alone, Auntie Viv. She wouldn't let me seduce her. That's how we got to be standing here wearing very few pieces of clothing.
Vivian: Kate, don't just stand there with your assets hanging out! That's almost as stupid as leaving material with which you can be blackmailed in an open box in your closet where someone who hates you can find it.
Kate: Huh?
Vivian: Get dressed. I'm not turning you in. All I want is Victor's happiness even though now I could have him after chasing him for six or eight years.
All: Huh?!?!?!
(Kate and Nikki clean up; Victor enters.)
Kate: Victor! What are you doing here?
Victor: I've met Carrie and Austin; and Sami and Franco; and Sami and Lucas; and Nicole and Lucas; and Nicole and Eric; and John and Marlena. I know what "Titan business" means.
Vivian: Well, I'll be leaving now.
Nikki: Very classy, Auntie Viv. We'll have to kick you off the show for this.
(Nikki and Vivian leave.)
Victor: Kate, why are you crying?
Kate: I have a confession to make. Vivian saved me.
Victor: You mean you really WERE about to do the deed with Nikki?
Kate:
(thinking) I didn't realize he was that quick. (speaking) I'm just sad that I'll have nothing to do now that she's left town and Sami is stupidly being paired with Brandon instead of Lucas. Speaking of my children, I want to be a stay-at-home Mom now that I have one teenager and three in their late twenties.
Victor: No. If you just stay home with Philip, you'll be at your wit's end within a month. He's fighting with Mimi for the title of New Worst Actor.

MEANWHILE, Vivian and Nikki are driving home.
Vivian: If Kate Roberts ever, EVER hurts that man, she will answer to me!
Nikki: Too bad it won't happen onscreen.
(sighs)
(Vivian proceeds to have flashbacks to being under the control of Stefano's tooth device: falling out of the hot air balloon and then doing a synchronized swimming routine, calling a square dance at the Horton-Brady picnic, etc.)
Vivian: I can't believe I'm planning to leave town without getting back at Steffy for that.

MEANWHILE, in a *remarkable* coincidence, Ivan is also planning to leave town. He's just won the lottery and he and Celeste are celebrating at a restaurant.
Ivan: Hello, Celeste. This necklace is made of priceless gems. I bought it for Madame, but since I didn't buy anything for you even though we've spent most of our time together ever since Stefano put that chip in Madame's tooth, you can have it.
(He proceeds to have flashbacks to doing a magic routine with Vivian, skydiving with her, dressing as Frankenstein and his bride, dressing as French fries and a hamburger, and burying Carly alive.)
Celeste: Why did they fire this woman? Let's go find her.
(They do.)
Ivan: Madame, let me spend my money on you.
Vivian: Ivan, so many men have spent money on me, and it has never made me happy. That didn't mean I stopped marrying for money, but you understand.
Ivan:
(on his knee) Vivian Alamain Jones Kiriakis DiMera, will you do me the honor of NOT marrying me?
Vivian: First of all, wouldn't it be "Kiriakis Jones", not "Jones
Kiriakis", and second, what?
Ivan: We're friends. I want us to stay friends.
Nikki: Friendship is not permitted on this show. Yet another reason you have to leave town.
Vivian: Don't make me cry, Nikki. I'll miss you. I don't think I'll bother even calling or mentioning Philip, though.
(They leave in a limo with a sign reading "Just Screwed By The Powers That Be" on the back. They stand up through the roof of the limo.)
Vivian: Didn't I come into town shooting people who were threatening my nephew Lawrence's life?
Ivan: I believe so, Madame.
Vivian: I'd like to shoot a gun once more before I leave Salem.
(She fires a gun into the air. The bullet, in another remarkable coincidence, goes through the window of the plane flying to Paris to rescue Hope. It goes right through Belle's head.)
Ivan: Oh my God. You killed Belle! Good job, Madame.
Vivian: Goodbye, Salem!

(As they leave, "You're the Top" from "Anything Goes" plays in the background.)

Ivan:

At words poetic, Daze is pathetic.
So Viv and I have found it best
instead of letting it make a jest
to get out of this dumb-fest.
I hate quitting leaving fans' sides splitting
as I'm much funnier than Bart,
but if our firing is for Mimi's hiring,
at least it'll tell you how great Daze aren't.

Viv's the top! She steals Kate's embryos,
Viv's the top! She buries living foes,
she's a villain doing killin' with her Clorox,
she's a Peter's grave digger, a pilot's coffee rigger,
she takes her knocks.
She called Nikki son, she lied to Larry,
she had a gun, helped Sami with Carrie.
I'm a worthless Czech, a total wreck, a flop,
but if, Madame, I'm the bottom,
you're the top!

Vivian:

Daze' words poetic are too pathetic
but despite them, Ivan, you shine.
You got the most out of every line;
Your show and mine were divine.
Now stupid humans, like Corday's crewmans,
might rather hire Shawn and Belle
but if TIIC ever asked me
to them this is what I'd tell:

Ivan's the top! Loyal to the end.
Ivan's the top! Got new money to spend.
He's a nun-kidnapper and balloon-hijacker,
he was cute with Celeste, but he loved me the best.
He's no slacker.
He was sublime, dressed as Josephine;
committed crime but was never mean.
With that tooth device Steffy spun me like a top
but if, Ivan, I'm the bottom,
you're the top!

Together:

We're the top! Rolled our eyes at Susan.
We're the top! Though that fight was loosin'.
We pulled John's head out of Stefano's guillotine,
then we went to jail, weren't let out on bail,
French guards were mean.
We skydive, try to run from Steffy,
we're alive but have lots of enemies.
Daze: a broken doll, a fol-de-rol, a blop,
but, viewers, if Daze is bottom,
we're the top.

We're the top! Took Laura from Bayview.
We're the top! Kate's kid's Dad was who?
We're the ones who got Sami back from Seattle,
we called Lucas "Hamlet;" when caught in a scam bit,
we skedattle.
We're the fun, but we're also villains,
now we're done and we're missed by millions.
Daze is in the way, as the French would say
"de trop,"
but, viewers, if Daze is bottom,
we're the top.

We're the top! Kicked Kate outta Titan.
We're the top! But we've now stopped fightin'.
Daze would rather show viewers Belle and Mimi fight.
They say the price of Viv's scenes is worth more than five teens.
They're right.
Philip's flat, Mimi fully pointless,
Belle's a brat, Chloe's story a mess.
Daze: a lazy lout that's just about to stop,
but, viewers, if Daze is bottom,
we're the top!

We're the top! Even dressed as French fries.
We're the top. Even cov'ring others' lies.
We're scene stealers, simply too, too much fun,
we drank, we lied, we stole, we danced, we spied,
but we're done.
We chased Victor, killed people in the way,
thought we'd licked 'er, but Kate is here to stay.
Daze is bland and boring as a mop,
but, viewers, if Daze is bottom,
we're the top!

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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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