Wednesday, January 12, 2000

Welcome to Wednesday's Synopsis.

We start off with Chloe, Craig, and Nancy.
Craig: Chloe is antisocial.
Nancy: The two of you will bond eventually.
(thoughtful) Yeah, I could bond her to the roof of the car, or to a
bed in the hospital so she wouldn't bother us! Now where did I put my tools?

MEANWHILE, most of the other teens are at Salem High School.
Philip: Mimi and I gave Chloe the Salem High welcome!
Belle: Mimi, how could you do such a thing?
Mimi: Well, we were at the cyber cafe, and we were reading the Coffeerooms message boards. And I was just so frustrated that my writers aren't as clever as the people there that I had to take it out on someone.
Belle: Oh, I understand, but that's still no excuse!
Mimi: Look, it's easy for you! You've never had to beg for a date! Yet you
expect me to be nice to someone I don't even know?
Belle: Um, yeah.
(They go to class.)
Teacher: Where are the field hockey players?
Kid: Getting their picture taken.
Teacher: Why? Field hockey season was over in October or so. November if we're talking about state champions.
Kid: Are we having the pop quiz anyway?
Teacher: Yeah. I hope you all read chapter fourteen last night.
Belle: But last night was New Year's Eve!
Teacher: Welcome to Salem.
(Belle, realizing that there is no way she can pass this quiz, dies of a
heart attack. The teacher kicks her under the desk.)
Mimi: Oh my God. You killed Belle. You bastard!
Teacher: No talking in class, Miss what's-your-name?
Mimi: They call me Mimi.
Teacher: Well, stop that coughing. It's distracting.

We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.

Announcer: Buy new disposable bottles for your baby! Help fill up the landfills and poison the Earth before he grows up and has to deal with it!

Announcer2: How a United States gymnast eats a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?
Over the course of two or three years. Haven't you ever read Little Girls in Pretty Boxes?
There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's.

MEANWHILE, Shawn-not-Douglas wakes up in the hospital.
Shawn-not-Douglas: I remember what happened.
Shawn: You don't have to talk if you don't want to. Actually, we'd much
rather remain in our own little fantasy world where nothing is wrong with
Hope, so we'll be leaving now.
(Starts to leave but is grabbed by Doug and Julie.)
Shawn-not-Douglas: That woman pulled a gun on me and told me to get on the ledge or she would kill my father. Then she told me to jump, and when I wouldn't she shot at me, and that's when I lost my balance and fell. Do you believe me now when I say that she is not my mother?
(crying) Yes, we do.
Shawn-not-Douglas: I should get myself shot at more often.
Shawn: But how could someone good do something bad?
Julie: That's called "multi-dimensional characters."
Shawn: Well, it can't be that. It must be that Hope has an evil twin we don't know about.

MEANWHILE, Gina is dying.
Bo: To hell with doctor-patient confidentiality! I never obey the rules when I'm doing my job, which admittedly isn't often; why should Marlena obey the rules when she does hers?
Gina: I'm dying.
Bo: Not fast enough.
Gina: Thank you for everything. Don't give up hope.
Bo: I have more than Hope. I have Gina, too.
Gina: About damn time you noticed.

End of Show

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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.

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