December 29, 1997

Lives our of days the are so hourglass the through sands like. Today happened what is this.

Sami and Kate are at Titan.
Sami: Kate, it took you over fifteen minutes to get here. Frankly, Iím devastated.
Kate: I'm just so devastated that I pay you an enormous salary for doing nothing. Don't you know I already had people for that? My sons and your sister.
Sami: Devastating. Somebody had an extra cup of coffee this morning.
Kate: I'm devastated! I never drink anything but TEA! What do you take me for, an animal?
Sami: I'll be devastated if you don't invited me to the Titan party.
Kate: (screaming) I refuse to aid and abet your ludicrous fantasy. I'll be devastated if I do. I'll reveal your blackmail.
Sami: (screaming) Gee, my reputation will get so much lower if people know Iím a blackmailer.
Roman: (entering) I am such a great cop! I heard people who hate each other screaming and deduced that there is tension! Devastating!
Kate: Goodbye. (begins to leave)
Roman: I'll pray for Victor. You must be devastated.
Kate: Please don't. If he came back he might make my brainless kids find other jobs. They'd be devastated.
(Kate leaves and finds Franco)
Franco: Is zomethink wronk? Hue look devastated.
Kate: I am devastated. I'm tired of Sami.
Franco: Hue mus leh Sami haf her way, hor els the writers mi have to wri zomenew lines. They'll be devastated. So don cra Sami.

MEANWHILE, Mike is at work.
nurse: How was your Christmas? You weren't devastated, I hope.
Mike: I haven't stopped working since Christmas Eve. Devastating. No one else in this town works, so it's up to me to keep the average income up.
nurse: I'm getting married. Aren't you devastated? Timing is everything.
Mike: True. So I'll just say the same thing over and over every hour of the day. Then I'll be sure to say it at the right time.
Carrie: (arriving) Mike, I've invited Rosie O'Donnoll, Tom Hanks, and Liz Taylor to my New Years party.
Mike: Tom Hanks can't come. He's in Philadelphia, and he has AIDS. Damn, that reminds me.
Carrie: What? You look devastated?
Mike: It's almost AIDS day again. We'll have to drag out that girl to show how concerned and devastated we are.

OVERVOICE: We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment. Or maybe ten.

CoverGirl: This polish isn't just one polish. It's . . . um . . . what number comes after one again?
Announcer: Two.
CoverGirl: That doesn't sound right. Seven, maybe?
Announcer: I think you want "three".
CoverGirl: Oh yes. Three in one polish. For those of us who can't count to three.
Singers: Anorexia-that's how in the world-easy, breezy, beautiful, Cover Girl.

MEANWHILE, Marlena and John are talking.
Marlena: I (gasp) can't (gasp) break (gasp) Roman's (gasp) heart. He'll (gasp)be (gasp) devastated. So (gasp) I'll (gasp) devastate (gasp) you (gasp) instead. This (gasp) is (gasp) ridiculous. I (gasp) make (gasp) my (gasp) living (gasp) helping (gasp) people (gasp) be (gasp) honest.
John: The rest of us thought it was a pretty odd career choice too, and thatís a fact. But Susan must be devastated about her baby, so let's go help her.
(They find Susan.)
Susan: I wone gi up my bayebee. Jus b'cause Ah've done it, oh, seventy tahmes bífore, this tahme it will devastate me.
John: I'll give Mickey a call. He'll straighten this out, and that's a fact.
Marlena: Yeah (gasp), Susan's (gasp) losing (gasp) the (gasp) case (gasp) will(gasp) clear (gasp) things (gasp) up.

MEANWHILE, Kristen and Peter are reunited.
Kristen: What if the police recognize you? I'll be devastated.
Peter: Don't be devastated. I've got sunglasses.

MEANWHILE, Jack and Jenn are at Alice's.
Abby: Daddy, we can have a New Years party right here!
Jack: The police will never look for Jennifer with the grandmother who raised her.
Mike: (arriving) Hello?
Jennifer: Mike!
Mike: I was really really really really worried, Jenn.
Jenn: Have you been dating Susan?
Jack: Enough small talk. On with the Plan.
Mike: You have a plan?
Jack: No, a Plan.
Mike: Oh, a Plan. Let's get going.
End of Show

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