|December 19, 1997
Want to know the REAL reason Travis fell off the cliff? Read on!
John and Marlena are talking at the mall.
Marlena: Celeste and I think that Stefano is the baby's father.
John: What you're saying makes sense, and that's a fact.
Marlena: You wouldn't know "sense" if it hit you in the head.
John: That's a fact. Of course, just because Kristen did everything within her power to hold onto me and that baby before, it doesn't mean she still is, and that's a fact. I'll go visit her, and that's a fact.
Celeste: (arriving) Marlena, I'm worried about Susan. Let's go visit her.
Marlena: Yes, and it's a nice night for a walk, too.
Celeste: Walk? Why do you think I have all these feathers on my hat? We can fly!
Marlena: Cool. And that's a fact.
Celeste: Say that again and I'll drop you.
MEANWHILE, Kristen is fantasizing about the return of John.
Kristen: (fantasy) John, look, our son is home for Christmas.
John: (fantasy) It feels good to hold him again, and that's a fact. I missed that, and that's a fact. I can't even hold my other two kids because I can't seem to figure out where they are, and that's a fact. I want us to be a family again, and that's a fact.
Kristen: (fantasy) Stop stealing Shawn-Douglas's lines. Where is he, anyway?
John: (fantasy) Probably taking care of Belle and Brady. That might be a fact, right?
Stefano: Kristen! I hear John! I don't want him to think I'm the babyís father!
Kristen: (snapping out of it) Well, if you don't want him to suspect, why donít you stand here and TALK about how you don't want him to suspect for twenty minutes or so while he comes toward us?
Stefano: Good idea.
John: Hi, Kristen. I just needed someone to talk to. I was with Roman and Marlena, and it's a fact that it didn't take me five minutes to realize that I was the odd man out.
Kristen: Not five minutes? More like five hours?
John: I'm a little slow, and that's a fact.
(Elvis/John Junior screams)
John: I though I heard a baby cry, and that's a fact.
Kristen: It was nothing. You're a little slow, remember?
John: That's a fact. But it was a shrill sound, and that's a fact.
Kristen: Shrill? Remember who you're talking to. (she screams)
John: That's a fact.
MEANWHILE, Peter is on his way to the Grand Canyon, and is daydreaming.
Jennifer: (fantasy) Peter, I'm so glad you came. Even after all of those horrible things you did, you can still act. Which is more than I can say for some of the people in love with me.
MEANWHILE, Jennifer has just fallen down the elevator shaft and is screaming.
Jack: My finely tuned journalistic senses tell me that that was Jennifer. But you never know. I'm sure there are a lot of women running around this mountain in the middle of the night.
Travis: Jennifer, I'm taking you to Peter. But I have to kill Jack again. This time you can watch.
Jennifer: Well, he has died lots of times and he will die lots more, so I may as well watch just this once.
Travis: (shoots Jack) There.
Jennifer: JACK! Oh, Jack, my love.
Travis: I am so sick of listening to your whining.
Jennifer: So are the viewers, but do they complain?
Travis: Actually, yes. But no one cares. It's so horrible, I think I'll dive off this cliff. But I'll take Jack with me.
Jennifer: JACK! Oh, Jack, my love.
Jack: Don't worry, only Travis fell to the bottom.
Jennifer: Falling to the bottom last week didn't kill you.
Jack: Well, duh! I'm the hero. I love you, Jennifer.
Jennifer: I love you, Jack.
End of Show
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