December 17, 1998

The title says it all . . . Wednesday's Synopsis.

Assorted members of the Horton family are getting ready for Christmas.
Mike: Abby, do you want to put the star on the tree?
Abby: Iwannawaitformommyanddaddy.
Mike: You'll probably be my age by the time they show up.
Abby: They'recomingtomorrow?
Laura: Abby, isn't this great hot chocolate?
Abby: It'sjustlikemommymakes.
Maggie: I'm always the one who makes you hot chocolate, or your grandmother or great-grandmother. Your Mommy is never here.
Abby: Nowonderittastesthesame.
(Mickey, on the phone, points at Abby.)
Abby: Geedidn'tcatchthat. Goodnight.
Mickey: Jack escaped from the ranger.
Laura: But he didn't hurt him.
Mickey: No. He figured shooting someone, knocking someone out of a tower to his death, raping someone, walking out on his wife and daughter, and countless manipulations were enough.
Laura: He's such a good man. I'm going to see Kristen. Mike, put Abby to bed.
Mike: I thought that that story would put me to sleep. It went on and on. This couple had been in love forever, but one of them was forced to marry someone else that no one could see was no good.

MEANWHILE, John is calming Susan by the pier.
Susan: My baby is in the water.
John: Elvis?
Susan: No, Lisa Marie.
John: There is a difference between a doll and a baby.
Susan: Not to mention a purple pillow and a baby.
John: There is?
Susan: Never mind. Thank you for saving Lisa Marie. I couldn't lose Elvis and her, too.
John: I'll just assume you meant Elvis the dead rock star and not Elvis the baby that we've been talking about all night.

OVERVOICE: We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.

Man: So I was on an all-night flight and I got heartburn. The guy next to me says "Why the hell did you eat food that bothers you right before you got on a plane?" And I said "None of your business, okay? Go back to sleep." But he said "I can't. Not with your obnoxious moaning about your heartburn." Then he hit me with his laptop. And once I had that
headache, I hardly noticed the heartburn anymore.

Announcer: It's Soap Opera news. There's love, hate, and romance. And for you Days of Our Lives fans, there are triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and triangles and
triangles and triangles.

MEANWHILE, Peter is talking to the doctor.
Doctor: You can't get off the island. There are no planes coming through.
Peter: And it's not as if my family has half a dozen planes.

MEANWHILE, Jack is looking for Jennifer and Travis.
Jack: Dammit, the ranger came to. Dammit, he got the others on my trail. Dammit, I can't think about that now. I can't think, period, dammit. I'm Jack Deveraux after all, dammit. (Jenn and Travis are in the cabin.)
Travis: Jack was hit in the head by a boulder. He's not still alive.
Jenn: You're right. I keep forgetting which one of my husbands was a DiMera.
Travis: I've killed before.
Jenn: I know.
Travis: What do you know? (pause) The shovel, the clothes, you figured everything out.
Jenn: For once. (pause) You shouldn't have killed your parents.
Travis: Not everyone has a mother who goes insane and almost kills them by accident and a father who dumps them on their grandparents and leaves town, only showing up to occasionally question their choice in men and a brother who was thought to be half-brother half-cousin until he was an adult and various uncles and aunts and cousins who haven't
been seen for years. Some people deserve to be hit in the head with a shovel.

Jenn: (after swinging the shovel at Travis) I obviously missed him. But as long as he's lying on the ground anyway, I'll just escape. Now, should I try to climb down the mountain? Probably not, since I can't even climb over a log without knocking myself out.
Jack: (finding the cabin) Jennifer? Are you in the basement? Oh, hi Travis.
Travis: Jack, you've come to save me! My one true love! I was so afraid you were dead.
Jack: I'm right here, my love. Now let's go back to Salem and Abby.

End of Show

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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.

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