December 16, 1997

This synopsis is a little bit spotty because I was putting up Christmas decorations while I watched today. And you know how hard Days is to follow. Incidentally, putting up decorations looks like more fun on TV. So I'll tell you about that.

Eric, Sami, Carrie, and Austin are going to visit Roman and to decorate the penthouse.
Sami: Eric, this will get Mom and Dad together again. I'm glad you can scheme like me.
Eric: I don't hurt as many people as you.
Sami: What? There's John Black and the Pawn and Roman sort of and Father John Black and-
Eric: Okay, okay.
(John arrives before them.)
Roman: John, Doc told me the real reason you bought the necklace.
John: Really?
Roman: Of course not. And I'm weak and you're not, nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah.
John: I wish Doc didn't have such a thing for dying, weepy, clingy men. I wonder if I could rent that gas chamber again.
Roman: Just remember that the key to a relationship is honesty. Don't claim to be dead before you are, or write letters renouncing your love that you don't mean.
(Their children enter.)
Roman: What's all this?
Austin: It's . . . a . . . tree.
Roman: He gets smarter every day.
Marlena: Sami, look at this ornament. We got it for you and Eric when you were babies. Last month.
Sami: Stupid Rapid Aging Syndrome.
Carrie: John, I know you want to be with Marlena.
John: Yes. I mean, this time last year I was . . . lying about my feelings for her. And the year before that, in Aremid, I was . . . lying about my feelings for her. (to Marlena) I'm sorry about that close call with Roman. I thought you'd told him the truth.
Marlena: Truth? What's that?
John: I forget. I'll let you know when I figure it out.
Carrie: Merry Christmas, Austin.
Austin: Merry . . . Christmas . . . Carrie.
ClayZebra: Gag me with a spoon. Of all the couples that could be together . ..

MEANWHILE, Jack is searching for Jennifer.
Jack: This uniform will give me a chance not to be spotted. After all, the wanted posters specifically say "this man is not a ranger". Plus, there will probably be a lot of people scaling the cliffs. It's the holiday season, after all. Oh, here's my gun. I'm not worried about another murder rap. The first one wasn't *that* much trouble.
(Jennifer and Travis are in the cabin.)
Jennifer: Go away, Travis.
Travis: Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry.
Jennifer: Cool! Do you turn green and get muscles everywhere?
Travis: Never mind. I want you. I'm gonna take you.
Jennifer: Take me back to Salem? Okay, I accept.
Travis: Not what I meant.
Jennifer: Oh. I wish Jack were alive. I can't believe he's dead. But I have to go on, for Abby.
Travis: That's the same conclusion you came to yesterday.
Jennifer: Just making sure.

OVERVOICE: We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.

Man: Honey, I'm sorry. I was wrong. I'm coming home right now; I miss your windsong.
Woman: Hee hee hee . . . Stefano, it worked! I don't even need the hypnotic mirror!

Man: This deodorant will keep you dry. But this stuff goes on clear. I wish I could have a combination. (pause) But why? I can't see the clear stuff when I write on the mirror. Never mind.

MEANWHILE, Stefano has come to visit Kristen.
Stefano: What are you trying to hide.
Kristen: Your present. I'll put it someplace you never go. Like jail.
Stefano: No. At least let me shake it.
Kristen: You can't shake this kind of present.
Stefano: They'll probably only sentence me to time served. Elvis! Kristen, I wanted him to stay with Susan.
Kristen: Susan's busy. Something about jumping off the pier.
Stefano: I guess John has to have someone to save since Roman is taking up so much of Marlena's time.
(the phone rings; it's Peter)
Stefano: Did you take the cure?
Peter: No, the doctor decided to change its form while I was out.
Stefano: Why were you out?
Peter: Don't you sometimes have an uncontrollable urge to fight a tiger? Anyway, when I got back the doctor noticed I'd been in a fight-
Stefano: Very perceptive of him. No wonder he's a doctor.

MEANWHILE, Susan is wandering Salem.
Susan: Kristaaan said she'd pr'tect mah boy from that mean mean mean man, Mister Stefano DiMera. An' she's always tole the truth before. But she tricked me, an I tried to get im back, jus in case some of you weren watchin an have an IQ lower than mahn an cayn figger ou' why ahm suicadal. (she jumps off the pier)

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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