December 15, 1997

Yes, I'm back and ready to spend a whole month rotting my brains on a soap opera. Why? Well, read the synopsis and see for yourself. This is what happened on Days today.

Marlena and Roman are talking.
Roman: I'm trying to get over my jealousy of you and John. I'm not the same man who left you years ago. I'm more like that Chris guy you used to be friends with.
Marlena: Well, none of us are the same.
Roman: Especially our kids. I could have sworn they were only about fourteen, but look at them! Not to push you, but let's get married and spend the rest of our lives together.

MEANWHILE, Eric has run into John.
John: Hi, Eric.
Eric: (sneering) Hi, John.
John: Do I notice a little hostility there?
Eric: Nah. All you did was have an affair with my mother that led to my parents divorcing and forgetting about me while I lived in Colorado for years. No big deal.
John: I was your father once.
Eric: Are there any kids in Salem you DIDN'T father or at least think you fathered?
John: Sure. Stefano's kids.
Eric: Oh yeah.

MEANWHILE, Carrie is confronting Sami over her new job at Titan.
Carrie: You can't do a job at Titan. You don't have the brains.
Sami: That's why I've been able to manipulate half the town.
Carrie: And you don't have the experience.
Sami: I know. That one term of college did you so much good.

MEANWHILE, Austin and Kate are also discussing Sami's new job.
Austin: I'll . . . keep . . . my . . . eyes . . . on . . . Sami . . .twenty-four . . . hours . . . a . . . day.
Kate: Oh. Like when you lived with her and you were able to discover everything she was up to.
Austin: Uhhhh . . . Carrie . . . and . . . I . . . picked . . . our . . . your. . . Christmas . . . present. Here's . . . a . . . hint: photographer . . . family . . . pose . . . frame.
Kate: I don't have a clue.
Austin: Then . . . we . . . must . . . really . . . be . . . related.
Kate: Must be. Excuse me, I have to go get rid of what is left of your sisterís character.
Before Kate arrives, Billie is talking with Bo.
Billie: Oh, Bo. If you can't love me, tell me now, oh, Bo.
Bo: That would be too easy.
Billie: Oh, Bo, I want you to love me and only me. And know that I am your past and Hope is your- I mean Hope is your past and I am your- I mean Carly-
Bo: That's what you get for stealing my lines. (he leaves and Kate arrives)
Kate: Billie, why don't you get pregnant with Bo's baby to hold onto him? Obligation will turn to love.
Billie: You were upset when Sami did that.
Kate: Well, Sami was a disappointment because her parents are so nice. You donít have that problem. You're wonderful.
Billie: Spoken like a true mom. One who loves her children enough to allow them to be raised on the streets.

MEANWHILE, Stefano, I mean Peter, has had Marlena, I mean Jennifer, kidnapped and sent to Paris, I mean the Grand Canyon, while John, I mean Jack, searches for her. Marlena, I mean Jennifer, thinks John, I mean Jack, is dead but he isn't. At least when Jenn screams "Jack! You're alive!" he probably won't answer "that's a fact".
Jack: I've finally scaled this cliff, dammit.
ranger: I'm taking you in.
Jack: No, dammit. I have to find Jennifer, dammit. She's being stalked by the man who faked his death and framed me for the murder, dammit.
ranger: You don't have much of an imagination. I've heard this story before.
Jack: It's not my fault, dammit. I don't write the script, dammit.

MEANWHILE, Peter is in the jungle.
Peter: What happened? Why can't I remember? I couldn't have killed a tiger. Itís impossible. It's ridiculous! No, it's DAYS OF OUR LIVES!

End of show

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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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