October 13, 1997

Trent is snooping around Jennifer's house.
Laura: (screams) Oh, no, someone's spying on us. Oh, it's you Trent. It's so nice of you to spy on us because you are such a good, honest man.
Trent: Where is your beautiful, blonde, stalkable daughter that I barely know and have no reason to find?
Laura: Thanks for being concerned, but she isn't here. Maybe you could kidnap my grand daughter or something. Goodbye, and you're welcome to break into our house if you'd like.
TC: (arriving) Travis, Jack wouldn't let me rape the new prison guard. What's it to him who I get?
Travis: I think I know.
TC: Really?
Travis: Of course not. If us villains were that quick, the good guys would never win.

MEANWHILE, Jennifer is in bed with Jack in his cell.
Jack: I love you, Jen.
Jen: So many people do. You, Peter, Jack-
Jack: I AM Jack.
Jen: Wait a second. You look a lot different than you did two months ago.
Jack: Prison changed me. Or maybe I'm a Jack impersonator hired by someone who kidnapped Jack years ago and made you think he left you but I've been brainwashed into thinking I am Jack and-
Jen: This sounds familiar.
Jack: I can't imagine why. Anyway, you have to leave soon.
Jen: So let's enjoy every second. You never know how long it'll be before you get recast again.
guard: Williams' car is still there.
Jen: Don't worry, I'm sure I can get out.
Jack: Prisons always have unlocked back doors.
Jen: So that's how Stefano escapes- What's wrong?!?!
Jack: It's a ruse. Who taught you to be an investigative reporter, anyway? (pause) Oh.

MEANWHILE, Marlena is with a dying Roman.
Roman: I want you to go, Doc.
Marlena: What do you mean? "Go" is such a big word.
Roman: (to himself) She's been hanging around John more than I thought. (aloud) Get out.
Marlena: (to Caroline) He kicked me out.
Caroline: Only because he loves you. He loves his family so much he left Salem and never checked on his kids for years.
Marlena: (again to Roman) I'll do everything I can for you.
Roman: What can you do?
Marlena: Put on makeup . . . ignore my job . . . ignore my kids . . . look pretty . . . cry . . . gasp . . . have flashbacks . ..
Roman: Maybe I will get better if you do all that. (goes to sleep)
Laura: (entering) What's going on?
Marlena: He can't die. Then only one man would be in love with me, and I wouldn't be able to deal with that.

MEANWHILE, Stefano and Kristen are saving John and Hope.
Kristen: Hope! You're so slow. Now we can't save John and I'll never be with him.
Hope: You're just realizing this now?
Stefano: Girls, stop bickering and let's have a sing-along for the rest of the helicopter ride. (singing to the tune of
"George of the Jungle")
John, John, Johnís in the jungle
dumb as he can be!
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
Watch out for that tree!
He can climb up a rope
or jump off a slope
with the help of his friend
a dope named Hope.
Then away he'll get
in the blackbird, his jet
while natives are chasing him with a net!
Kristen: Oh, shut up!

End of Show.

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