August 22, 1997

Well, here I am, back again. You know, I actually thought that the snake thing was a joke. Silly me. With Days, I'm lucky it wasn't a lion, or a tiger, or a bear. (Oh my.) Here's what happened.

John is wondering what to do about Roman's cure.
Marlena: If you do this, you'll be selling your soul to the devil. And frankly, that would tick me off, because that's my department. We're not even married yet and you're horning in on my territory.
John: Don't worry. I've played this game before, and that's a fact.
Marlena: It's not a game. It's a joke. Oh, Abe. Hi.
Abe: Hi.
John: I want you to let DiMera out of jail and that's a fact.
Abe: Are you out of your mind?
John: My what?
Marlena: This could take awhile. I'll go see Roman.
Roman: Is it possible that Sami's getting married? Just the other day we were teaching her to ride a tricycle.
Marlena: That was John, and it was yesterday.
Roman: That's right. By the way, I never stopped loving you.
Marlena: That's why you walked out on me and your kids to go get yourself killed without ever sending a Christmas card.

OVERVOICE: We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.

Man: A toothbrush can only take care of the surfaces of your teeth. You have to take care of the non-surfaces, too. So get a hammer and smash your teeth open. That way you can brush the insides. I know this might not make a lot of sense, but you'd be unnerved, too, if you were running around inside a set of teeth the size of the World Trade Center. Or, you
could just use Listerene.

Man: We need a new scum remover. I'm trying Tilex.
Woman: I'm trying mine.
Man: Tilex removes all the scum.
Woman: Nope, the next-door neighbors are still here.
Man: Only soap scum.
Woman: Good enough.

Woman2: Albert, is it really possible after all these years?
Albert: I think so. It's changing color.
Woman2: We have to improve our life.
Albert: How about we stop listening to annoying jingles like "zest-fully-clean".
Woman2: Yeah. I wouldn't mind the hard water if I didn't always get that jingle caught in my head.
Albert: That's the solution. A mute button!

MEANWHILE, things look bad for Carrie and Mike.
Mike: I'll get the snake with a rolling pin! I always carry a rolling pin.
Carrie: I guess it'll do if you don't have a curling iron. Mike? Mike! Help!
Man: What's wrong?
Carrie: We have to get him to the nearest hospital.
Man: Why not a far-away hospital?
Carrie: What are you, a Brady?
Man: Oh, there's a doctor around here.
Doctor: Carrie, you saved Mike's life.
Carrie: (turning pale) Oh no . . .
Doctor: What?
Carrie: A woman rescuing a man? In Salem? We'll be deported!

MEANWHILE, Sami is hiding from Lucas and Eric.
Lucas: Sami, how could you do something like that?
Sami: You expect me to drug your brother to sleep with him and kidnap my own sister, but not fudge on a baby book?
Lucas: I'll think about that.
Eric: Sami, you're nervous about Lucas.
Sami: I'm marrying Austin.
Eric: Are you sure? Things like that can get confusing.
Sami: Only for John.

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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