August 18, 1997

Hi everybody! Guess what? I saw Rent yesterday! A quick comparison: Rent is good. Days is bad. Actually, Rent is really good. Days is really bad. Rent is amazing. Days is, well, like this.

John and Marlena are talking.
Marlena: I'm scared.
John: Don't worry. Abe and I did everything ourselves.
Marlena: That's why I'm worried. I'll check on Roman. (dials phone)
Austin: (on phone) Di . . . Mera . . . residence.
Marlena: (on phone) Austin? What are you doing there?
Austin: (on phone) Attempting . . . to . . . act.
Marlena: (on phone) Keep trying. Bye.
Austin: Sami, . . . will . . . you . . . move . . . in . . . with . . . me?
Sami: No, that would be living in sin.
Austin: Don't . . . you . . . want . . . to . . . fit . . . in . . . with . .. the . . . rest . . . of . . . Salem?
Sami: No.
Kate: Austin-
Austin: I . . . need . . . time . . . to . . . think.
Kate: Be careful, Baby. First-time thinkers tend to overdo it.
Sami: Kate, help me get Austin to marry me.
Kate: I'd rather die. After all, blackmail is forever. Death is temporary. Who around here hasn't been dead a few times?

OVERVOICE: We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.

Announcer: Do you want shinier, stronger hair? Well, you could buy Pantene. Or you could get a wig made out of copper wire. Strong, shiny, and a pretty color, too.

Announcer2: Your table knows a lot about you. It knows that your television habits are really bad. It wants you to use Pledge, so it won't be dull and lifeless, like your soap.

Announcer3: Tomorrow, the Queen of Mean finally gets her man. And God help him. Although an acting coach would be more practical.

MEANWHILE, Jack is going off to prison.
Jack: I'm going to prison for life.
Jennifer: Is that your whole life, or just until you die and come back?
Laura: Either way, it's awful. Kristen and Stefano lied. Who could have expected THAT?
Franco: Jenny-fair, eef hue'hever nee' my elp, hue har welcome to eet. I canbrea up caaples, and kill pee-ple, and beat women like Jeel, and nah geh caugh.
Jack: Could you help her find another man?
Jennifer: I'm never gonna love anyone but you. And Frankie and Peter and Emilio and maybe Trent. And I'm not making any promises about next week.
Abby: Daddy, I lost another tooth. Now that they've all rotted out, can I eat something besides cookies?
Jack: I'm sorry, Sweetheart. But no.

MEANWHILE, Mike and Carrie are trapped.
Mike: Carrie, you need a hospital and a doctor. Wait a second! I'm the only doctor in the world. So I guess you're stuck.

End of Show
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Disclaimer: This page is for entertainment purposes only and has no affiliation with Days of Our Lives, Ken Corday, or NBC. The characters and storylines parodied are under copyright by them and are used without permission here. The parodies themselves are written and copyright by me. Again, this page is intended to be fun, so please don't sue me.
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