August 13, 1997

Mike and Carrie are in California.
Mike: I built a sandcastle for you.
Carrie: You're so sweet. That's why I'm fantasizing about Duh-Boy right now.
Mike: Here's the story that goes with it. Once upon a time, there was a writer- well he wasn't exactly a writer, but he claimed to be one- named Charlie. Charlie was given a job out of pity because he'd flunked out of high school. He couldn't pass geometry. The only shape he knew was the triangle. Anyway, he was so bad at his job that he had to go
into hiding in a sandcastle like this one. Then the tide came in, and he was never heard from again.
Carrie: I like happy endings. Let's go back to the room.
Mike: You can shower first.
Carrie: Thanks. (she returns) Wow. All this food is impressive.
Mike: Almost as impressive as you taking a shower without getting a single hair wet or out of place.

MEANWHILE, Franco is visiting Hope and Shawn-Douglas.
Franco: Shawn-Duckliss, hor madder tol me hor baseball team won tha champeensheep.
Shawn-D: If you knew, why didn't you come?
Hope: I had to mope and whine.
Shawn-D: You're a great mother.
Franco: Ope, I'ham goin to elp Shawn-Duckliss wi his soccer. Buh I mi make afool'hoff myself.
Hope: I think it's too late to worry about that now. Now, why don't you go make one of your totally unsuspicious phone calls.
Franco: Goo ida, Ope.

OVERVOICE: We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.

Woman's voice: Our Cover Girl was out at sup-
CoverGirl: I'm allowed to eat?
Voice: As long as you stick your finger down your throat afterwards.
CoverGirl: But that would mess up my nails.
Voice: Then I guess you can't. Anyway, when her lipstick came right off on her cup! "It musn't come OFF", she cried-
CoverGirl: If I cried, my mascara would run. Anyway, I'm beautiful. Why would I cry?
Voice: Maybe because the plots on your soap are so slow. Let me finish: We replied "MARATHON!"
CoverGirl: How could I run a marathon? My clothes are so tight I have to lie down to get in a car.
Voice: Just shut up and look pretty, okay?
Singers: Fresh idea! Fresh face to the world . . .

MEANWHILE, Austin and Lucas are talking.
Lucas: I'm surprised Sami didn't have a mental break.
Austin: Uh she uh duh uh um is so uh good uh now. I uh wonder uh what uh duh um it's uh like to uh um have a um mind to uh uh break.
Lucas: Too bad you didn't hold onto Carrie.
Austin: I uh um should've uh done uh um a uh duh lot of um things.
Lucas: Get a paternity test for Will, test Sami's memory, go to work . . .This could take all day.
Austin: I've uhh been uh um thinking-
Lucas: It gets easier after the first time.

MEANWHILE, Sami and Kate are in the next room.
Kate: All I wanted was Billie's happiness. You are perverted for manipulating Austin. Billie put Bo's happiness above her own.
Sami: I'm sorry. My mother is just so busy getting herself possessed and all that I have to do my own dirty work.
Kate: (to phone) Hello?
Franco: Kay, i's me. Don hank kup. I'fe nefer call' hue by'hyore name before, buh nowh h'I will because Sami is listening.

End of Show

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