August 11, 1997

We interrupt your regularly scheduled newsletter to bring you Monday’s Synopsis. Is it Monday? I think so. At any rate, it isn't the weekend because I just watched Days. Well, maybe it was on tape and I didn't notice. It gets hard telling one episode from another. I'm almost sure it's Monday. Wow, it's going to be a long week- although hopefully not as long as a Salem week.

John is handcuffing Stefano.
Stefano: Good job, John. You're just so smart and clever and superior and righteous. The best man won.
John: I expected sarcasm.
Stefano: I thought that was sarcasm.
John: This is too easy.
Stefano: It would almost have to be for you to catch me. Have you seen my purple pillow?

MEANWHILE, Roman is talking with Eric.
Roman: Eric, you're my only son. That I know of, that is. It gets hard to figure out whose kids are whose after a while.
Eric: I under- oh, Stefano! I care so much about my family and your history with them that I never came home for my entire childhood. But now I'm so upset that I want to hit you even though you're in handcuffs.
Roman: John?
John: Yes?
Roman: How did you get him up the stairs with his feet tied together?

OVERVOICE: We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.

Children’s' voices: It clogs up landfills. It pollutes the Earth. It washes into the ocean and chokes sea animals. Its production can involve toxic fumes. Its so hard to recycle that the energy loss negates the value of recycling. Destruction of the Earth. Plastics make it possible.

Woman: I called my doctor to ask which was best: Tylenol, Bayer, Advil, or Aleve. He said, "You're calling me in the middle of the night because of a little headache!?" I explained that all of the commercials were confusing me. He said "Buy a VCR and a remote and fast forward through the commercials." I took his advice, and now I don't get headaches from the commercials anymore.

MEANWHILE, Austin is alone with his hallucinations.
Austin: I . . . uhhh . . . should . . . uhhhh . . . clear . . . uhh . . . my .. . uhhh . . . head.
Curtis: Austin, there's nothing in your head to clear out. The problem is, your head is so big you can't go outside.
Austin: This . . .uhhh . . . is . . . uhhh . . . very . . . uhhh . . . hard.
Curtis: Think how it is for the people who have to watch you.

MEANWHILE, the Kiriakis Mansion is full of people.
Kate: Austin is no fool, Sami.
Sami: Excuse me, WHAT? (the phone rings) Hi, Carrie. Austin is painting my room. He stayed there because the paint fumes can't make him any dumber than he already is.

MEANWHILE, Carrie and Mike are in California.
Carrie: I was just thinking about the time Austin and I wished on a star. I was so mad because he wished for us to get married instead of for acting talent. Then we went roller blading. Once in a while, he could put on his own skates.
Mike: Look at this sportscar.
Carrie: That's true. Austin is rollerblades, but you're a sports car.

End of Show

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