August 6, 1997

I'm not in the mood to write an introduction, so I won't. You all know what Iím going to do anyway, right?

Jack, Jennifer, Hope, and Franco are on a double-date.
Jack: I shouldn't be here. I'll be noticed and you'll be embarrassed.
Jennifer: Embarrassed by you? I've been seen in public with Austin!
Hope: Not to mention Franco.
Franco: Ope, les dans.
Hope: Okay, but remember that Bo is the only man in my heart. That's why I left him without even telling him why.
Franco: Hue mus moof on, Ope.
Hope: Yeah. I have to find a place for Shawn-D and me.
Franco: Bo doesn wan custody?
Hope: We flipped a coin and I lost. And now I'd like to dance, if the gentleman would oblige me.
Franco: I wou lof to dans wi hue, Ope.
Hope: I said gentleman, not murderer/thug/spy.
Franco: Bu eferwan is a murderer/thug/spy in Sa-lam.
Hope: True.

MEANWHILE, Bo is looking for Billie.
Cop: Maybe she's just gone away to get over you. Or to celebrate that she isn't stuck with you and whatever that thing is that lives in your hair anymore.
Bo: If I don't find her, I'll never forgive myself. Who am I looking for again?
Cop: This is Petra, your new partner.
Bo: I'm glad Salem isn't the only place where you can't tell the cops from the prostitutes.
Petra: Wow, are you in love with two women? I always ask that question within five seconds of meeting someone.
Bo: I'm not in love with Billie. Just my beautiful Fakey Front.

OVERVOICE: We will return for the second half of Days of Our Lives in just a moment.

Announcer: Tune in tonight for Tori Spelling in "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?". Remember, Tori got her job based on ability alone. Her relationship to Aaron Spelling is just a coincidence. Weird, huh? Every woman should see this movie, because we know how much women like to watch other women pretend to be tortured by madmen. That's why Days is #1.

Singers: Life's complex enough! Thank you world! Easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl!
Cover Girl1: Life is so complex.
Cover Girl2: I know. I have to get my hair done, and put my clothes on-
Cover Girl1: Maybe if our makeup stayed on better, we'd have time to eat.
Cover Girl2: Or at least watch Austin Peck act. He's so talented.
Cover Girl1: You're just grateful that you don't have to model with him anymore.
Cover Girl2: I know! I simply despise him. He reminds me of this gunk on my lashes.
Singers: Fresh idea! Fresh face to the world . . .

MEANWHILE, Sami and Lucas are together.
Sami: I love Austin more than Carrie does.
Lucas: Maybe if you hung around Mike more, you'd understand how she feels. But what were you saying about Will?
Sami: I'm gonna tell you.
Lucas: Really!?
Sami: Hardly. I'm my mother's daughter, you know.
Lucas: But you can tell me anything.
Sami: Oh no! Not a healthy relationship! Horrors! I'm not a true Brady anymore! Where's Austin?
Austin: Here . . . I . . . am.
Sami: I'm moving out.
Austin: Why . . . we're . . . only . . . divorced. I . . . just . . . said. . . I . . . don't . . love you.
Sami: Our marriage is over. I can't stay here. But I wouldn't mind staying with your mother and brothers. Oh, I ironed your work shirts.
Austin: I . . . have . . . a . . . job? This . . . is . . . a . . .shock.
Sami: Well, bye, Austin.
Austin: Bye.
Kate: Austin, call Carrie.
Austin: If . . . I . . . were . . . with . . . her . . . like . . . Mike. . . is . . . I . . . know . . . what . . . I . . . would . . . be . . . doing.
Kate: Not everyone is as shallow as you. But I'm still a better mother than Laura. Hee hee hee.

End of Show

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