|July 28, 1997
Like sands that don't go through the hourglass because it is blocked up and nothing new ever happens and I'm forced to make the same jokes over and over again, so is Monday's Synopsis. Okay, Eric did show up. Here's everything that happened today in case you (horrors!) had something else to do.
Billie is still chained to a bed but I don't think anyone wants to hear about that.
MEANWHILE, Bo is looking for Billie.
Bo: So, you'll help me find Billie?
man: Es, Bo, I whill elp.
Bo: I don't want your help if you give me nightmares about Franco's accent spreading.
man: So whas wronk?
Bo: Well, Billie has dropped off the face of the Earth after bringing down the head of a crime ring who has sworn revenge. So I've deduced that she's in trouble.
man: Vera clever of'hue.
MEANWHILE, Roman's well-wishers are at the DiMera Mansion.
Carrie: Dad, Mike makes me happy.
Roman: That's good. Is Sami okay?
Carrie: Austin's a great guy.
Roman: I'm glad he straightened her out since I couldn't. He wasn't good enough for you, but he's good enough for her. Why could she possibly be a head case?
Carrie: Certainly not because you came back from the dead repeatedly and John turned out not to be her father and no one noticed she had bulimia and when Marlena had that affair you walked out on your kids as well as her. Anyway, Mike makes me happy.
Austin: (outside, to himself) Uhhh . . . I . . . uhh . . . guess . . .uhh . .. I'll . . .uhh . . . tear . . . uhhh . . .up . . .uhh . . . these . . .uhh . . . annulment . . . uhh . . . papers. Oh . . . uhh . . . no . . .uhh . . .I . . . uhh . . . can't . . . uhhh . . . figure . . . uhh . . .out . . . uhh . . . how. Duh. (He proceeds to have a fantasy about how great it would be to properly
Kate: Baby, give Carrie the papers.
Austin: Uhh . . . she . . . uhh . . . loves . . . uhh . . . Mike. Duh.
Kate: Do you really think people in Salem tell the truth about anything?
Austin: Uhhh . . . go . . . uhhh . . . worry . . . uhh . . . about . . . uhh .. . Billie.
Kate: She's only being held hostage by a drug lord. Your situation is much more important. You only wanted Carrie's happiness. That's why you married her sister. Now go see Carrie. She's talking to her grandmother.
Caroline: So Sami told your father that Austin loves her?
Carrie: Yes. Now I'm all alone. Except for that gorgeous doctor who spends all his free time with me. But that doesn't count.
Caroline: Mike said that even though Roman is dying, there's always hope.
Carrie: Yeah, but Hope whines all the time. And don't get me started about Franco.
MEANWHILE, Kristen and Stefano are watching Sami's manipulations on a monitor.
Kristen: Look at Sami, manipulating people. She's so evil.
Stefano: And she's different from you HOW?
Kristen: My situation was different from hers.
Kristen: The characters had different names. But I'm telling John about Sami.
Stefano: Why can't you ever use your mind?
Kristen: I guess hanging out with John so much made me a duh-girl. Anyway, Carrie will tell the truth.
Stefano: No. Carrie is a Brady. She's noble and selfless.
Kristen: What does that mean?
Stefano: Boring and spineless.
MEANWHILE, a mysterious visitor is arriving.
observer A: He looks nervous to be in Salem.
observer B: Why? Just because of the devils and criminals and incompetent policemen and repetitive dialogue that makes you want to scream?
observer A: Maybe it's Eric Brady.
observer B: No, he dropped a book. Bradys can't read.
visitor: I'd like to fit in in Salem, so I'll start by eaves dropping in the bushes. Two people are talking right there.
Marlena: I'm so sad about Roman. That's why I married you practically the second I thought he was dead.
John: Does this mean we can't be together? Because I don't think I can go more than a few minutes without sex. In fact, let's do it now.
visitor: Now I know why my twin sister is so messed up.
Marlena: I should have called Eric about his father. Come to think of it, I didnít call him at all in the last five or six years. Actually, are you sure his name is Eric?
John: I don't know. But look out, someone's in the bush.
John: Don't be scared.
Marlena: I'm not. This is just the first time you've noticed anything that didnít hit you over the head in years.
John: Come here, punk.
visitor: John, it's me! It's Eric!
John: I don't know anyone by that name.
Eric: You used to think I was your kid.
John: Let's see, Belle, Brady, Elvis, Carrie, Sami- are you sure you arenít one of them? What am I, a pig?
Eric: Among other things.
Marlena: (interrupting) Oh, my sweet honey boy. I haven't mentioned you in years before today, but you are my life.
End of Show
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