June 30, 1997

Okay, after watching Days religiously last week, I knew I needed help, so I went to Days group therapy. We seemed to be making some progress when we realized that the therapist wasn't listening to us because he was watching Days on a portable television hidden in his lap. So we gave up and watched Days, and here's what we saw.

Sami, Lucas, Austin, and Will are in Austin's apartment.
Sami: Lucas, it's so nice of you to put Will's tricycle together for him.
Lucas: No problem. Ouch!
Sami: Are you hurt? Not that I care.
Lucas: I'll live. I'm not I'm not even bleeding.
Sami: Speaking of blood, are you the same type as Will?
Lucas: Maybe. He's my nephew, and we're very connected, but that doesn't remind me that I slept with you around the time he was conceived because one day I want to grow up to be a Duh-Boy just like my big brother.
Sami: I'd better change the subject before one of them catches on. Austin, get me online!
Austin: Uhhh . . . . yes . . . . uhhh . . . . dear.
Sami: Hey, I have e-mail. "Sami, what do you want with Austin? You can do better. Love, the SOD message boards, Gaugie's newsletter, and ClayZebra's home page." Oh, hi, Carrie.
Carrie: What were you reading? Why are you so secretive? Is your memory back? When did I get a brain?
Sami: I was just reading e-mail. I want to get a job so I can ignore it , like everyone else in Salem.
Carrie: Liar!
Austin: Uhhh . . . Sami's . . . . uhh . . . never . . . . uhh . . . lied . . . uhh . . . to . . . . uhh . . . us . . . uh . . . before.
Mike: Carrie, calm down. Wouldn't you rather be with me anyway?
Carrie: Did anyone else hear anything?
Mike: Poor me.

MEANWHILE, Bo and Billie are on King's boat, but frankly, this plot is so dull that I can't even watch it, let alone summarize it.

MEANWHILE, the aftermath of John's botched wedding continues.
Kristen: John, since you don't love me, I'm going to kill Saint Doc.
John: Kristen! No! I didn't have sex the night before the wedding! I can't go two days in a row. It's bad enough that I already have a kid with this woman. I want my kids to have everything; they shouldn't have to share a mother.
Kristen: Maybe I should shoot myself for liking him. Abe, let's go.
Abe: Kristen, you should be charged with attempted murder.
Marlena: No! She only got me locked in a birdcage under Paris with a madman, put me in a cellar where I almost died, tried to orphan my children, lied about losing John's son, helped put John in a gas chamber, and put Vivian in control of Titan. Let her go.
John: That's why I love you, Doc. You're almost as stupid as I am.
Susan: Am I going to jail too?
John: No. It would be too confusing for the cops to have more than one prisoner. But how did you get cake all over your bed?
Susan: I thought sleeping with wedding cake would make you fall in love with me.
John: "Make you fall in love with me." I've never heard anything like THAT before.
Susan: Maybe Elvis's REAL daddy will come back.
Marlena: Who is his real Daddy?
Susan: Charlie doesn't know. How should I?

End of Show

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