June 26, 1997

Yes, here it is, what you've all been waiting for: Thursday's Synopsis. Hey, it can't be any worse than the show.

Austin and Lucas are comforting Sami.
Sami: I miss my mother so much. I can't stop thinking of all our special memories: the time she had an affair with John and asked me to lie about it, all the times she talked to her stepdaughter about how evil I am, the times she was locked away and didn't remember my existence, the messy divorce . . . . I could go on and on.
Austin: I uh understand uh why uh you uh didn't uh want uh to uh go uh to uh the uh wedding.
Lucas: Austin, I'll stay with Sami. Go alone.
Austin: Uh what uh is uh your uh ulterior uh motive?
Lucas: Ulterior motive? ME? They'll be glad to see you.
Austin: Uh okay. (he leaves)
Sami: Lucas! You know no one likes to see Austin.
Lucas: Sure they do. Their acting looks good by comparison.
Sami: Fine. I'll do the housework, you watch Will. Will loves his Uncle Lucas.
Lucas: I know. It's almost like we're father and son. But THAT's impossible, right?
Sami: Right.
Lucas: Will, how about a story? (reading) Hey diddle, diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow that jumped over the moon- Sami, does Austin ever read this to Will?
Sami: Of course not! It's beyond his reading level. (pause) Will's blood type doesn't match mine! How will I ever deal with this? I have NO experience in such things.

MEANWHILE, Bo and Billie are in prison on King's boat.
Bo: Don't worry, Billie. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Billie: I can't believe it.
Bo: It's true.
Billie: No, I can't believe you can read. I mean, how long did it take you to realize Gina was Hope?
Bo: At least I know the difference between a pillow and a baby, unlike some men in Salem.
Billie: A pillow pregnancy. That's an idea. But we have to escape first.
Bo: Yes, we have almost no time. So I'll just have flashbacks about Hope for ten or twenty minutes.

MEANWHILE, John and Kristen are getting married.
Marlena: Stop the ceremony!
John: I don't understand.
All: What else is new?
Marlena: Kristen has done terrible things. You don't know her.
John: I know her.
Kristen: Stop making these accusations! Hey, I'm starting to sound like Peter. And we all know how innocent he was.
John: Yes, we do, so let's get married.
Marlena: Okay, I'll explain once more for the slow learners. You're married to Susan, and it's Kristen's fault.
Kristen: No, it was Vivian and Ivan.
Vivian: What?!
John: Take, them outside.
cop: Yes, sir. (grabs Vivian)
Vivian: I can walk by myself.
cop: Sorry. That's just a rarity in Salem.
Vivian: Oh, you mean because Ivan always faints.
cop: No, because most of the Salem PD trips over their shoelaces a lot. But we're getting velcro soon, so that should help, if we can figure out how it works.
Vivian: Good luck.
cop: Thanks.
Vivian: Susan, go back up Kristen's story.
Susan: Okay. (goes inside) Kristen is telling the truth.
Marlena: Susan? Did someone threaten you?
Susan: Threats? In Salem? Nah . . .
Laura: Here, Marlena, give the baby to its mother.
John: Baby? Huh? I don't have kids.
Kristen: You have three. Belle, Brady, and JJ.
John: Maybe you are a liar. I would remember if I had kids. I would spend time with them.
Marlena: Now she's telling the truth, to a point.
John: I have a headache.
Susan: Elvis is my son, not Kristen's.
John: But no one can fool me. I'm so, um, uh, wow, I guess I am stupid.

End of Show

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