June 25, 1997

No, I still haven't changed my bad habit of watching Days. Or my bad habit of telling you about it in excruciating detail, so I'll do that, although I assume almost everyone watched today.

Jack is in jail.
Jack: Harry, can I have your internet time?
Harry: Sure, but why?
Jack: So I can find a man for Jennifer.
Harry: Did you try the SOD boards?
Jack: Yeah, but they're always getting off the subject.
Harry: You can't blame them. This show moves SLOWLY.
Jack: It seems to be getting better.
Harry: It couldn't have gotten worse.

MEANWHILE, Sami arrives home.
Sami: Well, I just got back from winning the Salem Marathon. But I'll get back in my wheelchair, and no one will notice.
Here comes Austin, right on time.
Austin: Uh hi uh Sami.
Sami: I'll help with the groceries.
Austin: Nononononononononononononononononononononono!
Sami: At least he didn't say "uh." Are you sad that we missed the wedding?
Austin: Uh no uh and uh neither uh are uh the uh viewers.
Sami: Go to Carrie's and get me a soda.
Austin: Uh yes uh dear. (now talking to a photo in Carrie's apartment) Uh I uh am uh sorry uh it uh turned uh out uh this uh way. At uh least uh the uh viewers uh won't uh have uh to uh look uh at uh me uh now. (puts his hand over his face) Thb sabnjfa sb sjeah.

MEANWHILE, the wedding has been interrupted.
Laura: I was right about Stefano. It follows that I was right about everything.
Jen: Follow? Me?
Laura: You're right. Here, listen to Susan.
Susan: Thbsz d bajfb nnaebjk wajhef hdrjsb gmabnjek sj I love John.
Laura: For Pete's sake, WHY?!?!?! It must be Stefano's fault.
Lexie: Gasp.
Laura: Marlena? Oh, sorry, Lexie.
Lexie: Don't worry. I won't be on for another few moths, and by then I'll be over it.
Jen: What's taking so long?
Laura: It couldn't have anything to do with Charlie, could it? John, are you saving Marlena?
John: Of course. I'm John Black. I always save Marlena. But the door is stuck. Luckily, I have a crowbar in every room. Watching all that MacGyver paid off. There, I've got them. I'll just drag them two feet from where they collapsed, the gas won't affect them there.
Kristen: John, do you still love me?
John: I just wish I hadn't been made to look like a fool.
Kristen: John, you are a fool. That's why my family is still around.
John: True.
Kristen: Let's get married now.
John: Well, I'm not in love with you, you're weak from the gas, everyone is hysterical, and the house is full of cops, but okay.
priest: Do you, Kristen, take this man John to be your lawfully wedded husband? (pause) Well, do you?
Kristen: I'm waiting for Marlena to interrupt us.
Marlena: You can have him.
Kristen: I don't want him, you take him.
Marlena: No, you.
Kristen: You. Hey, Susan, want John?
Susan: Nope.

End of Show

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