June 23, 1997

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I watched it again. But so did a lot of you. So there. But if you didn't, this is what you missed.

Most of Salem is at "Kristen's" wedding.
Abe: these outfits don't seem like Kristen's taste. But I'm not suspicious. I didn't get to be the chief of police by being
clever and observant.
John: It must be Vivian's fault. She's so evil. Remember the time she saved Laura?
Vivian: It isn't my fault. It must be Susan getting revenge on Kristen. Of course, I know Susan impersonated Kristen, but apparently I've been hanging around my stupid idiot of a nephew for too long and I don't know that this is Susan. Charlie must really hate me.
John: This would be funny if I had a sense of humor. And I would be embarrassed if I was a little smarter. I'm losing my mind!
Abe: You lost it years ago.
Celeste: Alexandra, this is a wedding of deception.
Lexie: How is that different from the last five weddings we've been to?
Celeste: That isn't Kristen.
Lexie: Who else would it be? Some lookalike hired by Stefano to impersonate Kristen who ended up falling for John and locking Kristen up?
Celeste: You're right, I'm being silly.
Stefano: (pulling Vivian away from the group) You have to help me have my greatest adventure yet with Marlena.
Vivian: What!?!? Something more exciting than a Paris birdcage?
Stefano: Yes.
Vivian: Well, Mr. Master-of-Disguise, I have to go.
Stefano: Why?
Vivian: Charlie hates it when actors with chemistry are together for more than five seconds.
Stefano: That's right, I forgot.
John: Okay, let me make a speech. Everyone be quiet, especially that waiter over there who looks exactly like Stefano but who couldn't be Stefano because he's dead. Anyway, nothing lessens my joy on this occasion, not even the fact that I'm not marrying the woman I think I'm marrying and the woman I'm actually in love with is yet another person. But, hey, I get to have sex tonight and that's what really matters.
Hope: I hate weddings. I'm not happy. No one else should be.
Franco: Le's go.
Hope: Don't leave for me.
Franco: Is no fun wi'ou hue. Is nah like I actually know any of these peeple anyway. Were hue jus remembering your life wi Bo?
Hope: A day without flashbacks is like a day without sunshine. But now Bo is committed to Billie like Marlena was committed to Roman and Caroline was committed to Shawn and Austin was committed to Carrie.
Laura: (arriving and causing a scene) Everyone, Stefano is here and Kristen helped kidnap Marlena. Peter is alive, Jack is innocent, Sami doesn't have amnesia but she is blackmailing Kate, Bo is undercover-
Jennifer: Moth-ER, like, omigod, stop embarrassing us! I'll, like, never be able to show my face at Salem High again.
Mike: Like, yeah, like, what'll all the kids say?
Jennifer: This is Salem. No one has ever deceived anyone here before.

MEANWHILE, Kristen and Marlena are in the room.
Kristen: We're dying of gas inhalation, but let's watch John get married.
Marlena: Okay.
Kristen: Stefano is a master of disguise. That's why I recognized him right away.
Marlena: Most people around here don't have your imagination- or, should I say, deluded nature. Most people aren't deluded at all. There's Sami, Lucas, Peter, Stefano, Vivian, Billie, hey, want to pass out now?
Kristen: Okay.

MEANWHILE, Bo and Billie are in Rome.
Billie: This case will be over tonight.
Bo: I hope not. The viewers love long, drawn out plot lines. Duh-Boy said so. But Billie, I want you to be safe so I can keep rubbing it in that you love me and I don't love you.
Billie: Just don't blow your cover.
Bo: I won't. Bye.
Billie: Bye. (she sees Max) Bo blew his cover! But King underestimated the power of eavesdropping. I'll save you, Bo!

End of Show

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