June 20, 1997

I didn't watch Days today (good for me!), but here is a synopsis anyway. How can I write a synopsis without watching? I mean, it's not like two days of this show are ever the same . . . is it?

Bo, Billie, Hope, and Franco are in Rome.
Bo: Billie, I love you and you don't love me! Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!
Billie: I know, Bo.
Bo: Why don't you have a flashback to our wedding?
Billie: Okay, I'm having one right now. Wow, I look pregnant! What, did I think I was marrying John Black or something?
Bo: Oh, Billie, you're funny.
Hope: Bo looks in love with Billie.
Bo: I didn't until you arrived.
All: WHAT A COINCIDENCE!
Franco: Ope, le's leave Rome now. You aff to check awn Shawn-Douglas.
Hope: Shawn-who?
Billie: Your son.
Bo: Oh, that's right.
Franco: Ope, you'ahr very distracted.
Hope: That's because I'm just a poor, frail, feminine little thing who can't handle watching some jerk who treats me like dirt marry someone else without passing out.
Franco: That's why I love ooo. Le's go.

MEANWHILE, Jennifer is at the hospital.
Jennifer: Hi, Dana! I see they dragged you out again! It must be AIDS-awareness day.
Dana: I'd just like to say that all of us at Days of Our Lives are very concerned about AIDS.
Jennifer: Yes, we are. Hi, Grandma!
Alice: Hello, dear. (pause) Did I mention that Days of Our Lives cares very deeply about AIDS?
Jennifer: We covered that. Do you have anything else to say?
Alice: Follow your heart.
Jennifer: Look, it's Lynn. She's such a good person. Just like Peter and Kristen and Trent and Sami and Lucas and Stefano and . . .
Lynn: Jennifer is actually right about me. I apparently have a moral code today. So I'll hide Laura from Stefano.

MEANWHILE, Kristen and Marlena are still in that room, and everyone else is at the wedding.
Kristen: Well, let's dig our way out of here.
Marlena: Why didn't we do this earlier?
Kristen: Because we're silly little women and we don't mind being locked up watching sex on a monitor, but we can't handle watching John get married.
Marlena: What do we see in him?
Kristen: How would I know? Go ask Charlie.
Celeste: John, I feel a presence very strongly. Look for Marlena in the wine cellar.
John: No. Your stupid hat is interfering with your radar.
Abe: John, I heard Marlena in the wine cellar.
John: I don't care. You're almost as stupid as I am.
Vivian: John, if I were Stefano, I'd put Marlena in the wine cellar.
John: I don't believe you. You're so evil that you once hit Stefano over the head to save me from the guillotine.
Stefano: I agree.
John: See, even this man I've never seen before agrees with me.
Susan: Everybody put on their Elvis outfits.
John: I know Susan was obsessed with Elvis. I know Kristen wasn't. I know there was something strange going on between Kristen and Susan. But I can't put two and two together because I'M JOHN BLACK!
(Then Kristen and Marlena hit a gas line. Gas floods the house and everybody dies.)

End of Show

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