June 19, 1997

Here I am, misbehaving yet again. This is just disgusting. I guess if you're a bad seed who watched Days because you saw that Viv and Ivan were going to be on, nothing can change you. Well, I haven't tried a curling iron yet, but if this whole watching-the-show thing continues, I just might. As always, here's what happened.

Sami and Will are waiting for Austin, who comes into the apartment with a bag.
Austin: I uh scream uh you uh scream uh we uh all uh scream uh for uh ice uh cream.
Sami: Let's see the ice cream. (opening bag) Oh Austin . . .
Austin: What?
Sami: Did you put it in the oven again?
Austin: Yeah, to warm it up for Will. One hour at 350 degrees. Hey, it wasn't liquid when I bought it. What happened?
Sami: Never mind. Hey, I found lots of houses for us on the internet. This group of people from the SOD message boards and the Gaugie/Shadysha newsletter and ClayZebra's page said that we can pick any house of theirs if you promise to leave Salem and not come back until you have a different face and are called Patrick.
Austin: That's uh nice. I'm uh going uh to uh see uh my uh mom uh at uh the uh hospital. Bye.
Sami: Bye.
Kate: Austin, I'm glad you're here.
Austin: Why uh do uh you uh want uh Sami uh to uh have uh a uh house?
Kate: I don't. My fiancé is at death's door, but let's talk about you and Carrie.
Austin: I'm uh letting uh Carrie uh go.
Kate: Don't let Carrie go. Of course, I could stop this, but I can't risk losing Victor's love, or Austin's, or Billie's. Lucas I don't care about since he's been acting out ever since he got this crazy idea that I like Austin better than him. Austin, go see Carrie.
Austin: Yes uh Mom.
Austin: (banging on Carrie's door) Carrie? Carrie? Where uh are uh you? We've uh been uh together uh for uh years uh but uh I uh still uh have uh no uh clue uh where uh you uh go uh when uh you're uh upset uh about uh us. So uh I'll uh just uh stand uh here uh and uh have uh a uh ten uh minute uh dream uh sequence.
Carrie: (on the roof) What happened, Austin? We had it all: separation, failed weddings, spinelessness, bad recasts, pain, suffering, stupidity, SEX . . .
Mike: Carrie, we've only started speaking recently, but I know where you go when you're upset. And I'm a cute doctor who can put multiple phrases together without even one "uh."
Carrie: I don't see why you don't have more luck with women.
Mike: I need the right girl. But where can I find a pretty, available (for all intents and purposes) , caring person from a good family right in my own neighborhood?
Carrie: I don't know.
Mike: Oh well, follow your heart.

MEANWHILE, Kristen and Marlena are still in the secret room.
Marlena: Stefano, John will find me. He always does.
Stefano: So I'll capture you again. All in all, you spend way more time with me.
Marlena: John is too smart for you. Wherever you go, he'll catch you.
John: Here I am in the wine cellar. Hey, that looks like Stefano talking to Doc through the wall, but I know that can't be
because we already looked. (he trips over Stefano) Excuse me.
Stefano: You're excused.
John: This is so strange. Not NORMAL, like when Doc was living in a bird cage and a swarm of people with fake French accents tried to guillotine me.
Marlena: Kristen, some day your evil deeds will be exposed.
Kristen: BORING! Not interesting like dragging out this Carrie/Austin thing for four years, or kidnapping you every two seconds, or bringing Stefano back from the dead for the eighteenth time.
Marlena: Hey, look at the monitor.
John: (on monitor) Kristen, I love you.
Susan: (on monitor) No. We're renewing our vows tomorrow, so it wouldn't be right. I don't believe in premarital sex. That's why Brady was born during my wedding to Isabella, Belle was born to a woman married to another man, and John Junior was born during our wedding. So I'll sleep in the guest room.
MEANWHILE, Vivian and Ivan are at the convent.
Ivan: Inner peace.
Vivian: Yes, let's be good from now on. I want people to remember me fondly.
Ivan: I will, if I live through all of your little adventures.
Stefano: (arriving) Guess what? You two are going to help me get into Kristen's house.
Vivian: Look at the expressions on our faces!
Ivan: They almost make watching Days worth it.
Vivian: We are so talented.
Ivan: There isn't much to compare us to on this show.
Vivian: Charlie doesn't deserve us.
Ivan: Let's sic Stefano on him!
Stefano: Cool.

End of Show
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