June 12, 1997

Well, I did it again. This is the second time in a week. I'm so ashamed. Yes, I watched Days. In the hopes that the stronger people out there won't be weakened the way I was, here is a summary of the show to prove that you missed nothing. Except a few cute commercials. The next time this happens, I'll check into rehab. Promise.

Sami and Lucas are waiting for Austin.
Lucas: I feel guilty about those ten people I killed to distract Mike.
Sami: But if you hadn't killed them, they would have been subjected to Austin's acting.
Lucas: Yeah. I did a good deed.
Austin: (entering) Uh Lucas uh what uh are uh you uh doing uh here uh now uh that uh you uh and uh Sami uh are uh not uh scheming uh any uh more?
Lucas: Just dropping off papers. Take Sami to the gym now; I'll go talk to Mom.
Sami: Yes, Austin has to teach Will to swim. But Will might not be as good as Austin; Austin has a really great doggy paddle.
Austin: Uhhh . . . yeah. (and they go to the gym while Lucas talks to Kate)
Kate: Lucas, you are such a monster for trying to break up Austin and Carrie and keeping Sami's secret. Of course, I know her secret too, but I've never put my children first before. Why start now?
Lucas: Mom, Carrie will love me.
Kate: Who taught you that it was okay to get in the middle of a serious relationship? Your father and I- whoops, never mind.
Lucas: Okay, I'll go watch Sami and Austin.
Sami: Look, it's Mike and Carrie. WHAT A SHOCK!!
Mike: Hi, Austin.
Austin: Carrie, you're with Mike. After all I've done for you.
Carrie: Austin, you're misinterpreting things.
Austin: On Days? Never. Anyway, I can't interpret anything when I look at you in those sexy pigtails. Or at any other time. They don't call me Duh-Boy for nothing, you know.
Lucas: Sami, they're breaking up!
Sami: How will that make things different from the last four years?
Lucas: You've got me. But don't WE look cute together?
Sami: Very.

MEANWHILE, in Pari- er, Rome . . .
Billie: It's strange, being forced to be married. I've never heard of it before. My brother's wedding wasn't like this.
Bo: True. You know, I used to love you, but then Hope came back, so now I don't. Hey, is that a cut on your hand?
Want me to pour some salt on it for you?
Billie: Anything you want, Bo. At least Hope won't find out.
(Hope and Franco sit down next to them, but neither couple notices the other.)
Franco: Ope, luff me!!!
Hope: No!!!
Franco: Well, h'I can dream. Efer'wan else on this show das, at least five times an episode. (his phone rings and he
answers) No, no, no, hue get rid of tha baady and THEN call the police.
Hope: That was a suspicious phone call.
Franco: Was not. Hey, want to see the orphanage I grew up in? (sniff, sniff)
Hope: Oh, Franco, you're so sweet. Hey, let's go to a wedding where we don't even know who's being married!
Franco: Sure.
Hope: Oh, no, it's Bo and Billie!

MEANWHILE, Victor is still in a wheelchair.

End of Show

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