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      Ally McBeal

Two's a Crowd
November 6th 2000
by Papa C


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Ling and Nelle are representing a woman who is suing Dr. Grouper, a woman who conducts seminars on Keeping Your Husband Happy. Their client's husband left her after she attended the seminar and applied its lessons to her life.

Nelle, Ling and Elaine attend one of Dr. Grouper's seminars. She tells the women that men start out nursing at their mother's breast and expect to be pampered and comforted throughout life. Then she sings a song about making your husband your reason to live, etc. The three are stunned.

Nelle and Ling later take Dr. Grouper's deposition. She claims she does not criticize the Working Woman: she just explains that men don't want that, and she firmly believes that's the truth. They ask her if she tells the women to be subordinant. She replies that she does not, but she advises that they cook and clean, and make sacrifices: the seminar is all about making sacrifices. Wanda says she did what was recommended, and then her husband left her. Dr. Grouper bluntly responds that this is not because of the advice she gave, but because Wanda could only hold onto "a fat guy with no teeth". She will be happy for this to come to trial, because the reason Mr. Spicket left Wanda will come up, and the answer to that will be that he "got his eyesight back". The jury won't find against her [Dr. Grouper], because she's "loveable".

Nelle and Ling later meet with Mr. Spicket. When asked if he left Wanda because she became submissive, he admits that he had actually stopped loving Wanda six years ago, but was afraid of her, and what she would do if he left her. He only had the courage to leave her after she became more meek. He asks them not to tell Wanda that he didn't love her - he has never told her that and doesn't want to hurt her. After he leaves, Ling concludes that perhaps they can at least argue cause and effect: Wanda taking Dr. Grouper's advice did cause her husband to leave... Nelle says it will not work. Wanda comes in, and Nelle advises her to drop the case. When pressed, she tells her client that it's because the case encroaches into divorce law, and MA is a no-fault state.

Mark is still dating Cindy, and is falling in love with her. Richard is still agonizing over whether or not to break client confidentiality and inform Mark that he is dating a man. He hints around, but Mark isn't sure what he's talking about.

Richard asks Ally's opinion. She thinks he should mind his own business and not tell Mark. Besides, maybe Mark will be able to deal with it when he finds out.

Richard then asks John. John is stunned, and speechless (but his facial expression is priceless when he hears the news!).

Later, in the Unisex, Cindy is present while Renee is telling Ally that her dating two men at once isn't bad: people always lie about who they are at first, Renee explains. She draws Cindy into the conversation, asking if she doesn't agree. Why, Renee claims, she even told some dates that she was a virgin! In fact, she even told one that she had never seen a "peppermint stick" (referring to the male anatomy), nudging Cindy. Cindy gets upset, saying, "You all know!", and leaves in a hurry. Ally follows her and tells her that Renee does not know, actually, but she admits that she herself does know. She takes Cindy into her office to talk privately. She explains that Richard asked her whether or not he should tell Mark, since Mark is his friend. Cindy is angry that Richard told Ally, but Ally says everyone tells her their problems, because she's the only person they know who has a conscience. Ally tells Cindy that she told Richard he should not tell Mark, but she thinks Cindy should tell him. Cindy is annoyed, and says she has never bowed to public opinion. Ally tells Cindy that she doesn't want Mark to get hurt, because Mark is in love with Cindy.

Later, Cindy tries to tell Mark, but chickens out. They go out, instead. While they are dancing, Renee is singing, and she comes over to them and serenades them. She is singing "Mr. Big Stuff, Who Do You Think You Are". Cindy gets upset, and Mark wants to know what's wrong. She draws him close. Then closer. Then closer. In this shocking and perhaps humiliating way, Mark discovers that Cindy is male. He walks off, staggering.

Mark and Richard talk later, and Richard explains why he could not tell Mark, though he wanted to. Richard gently tells Mark that it's difficult to find someone to love. So, Richard suggests, don't dump Cindy, but rather use her as bait to get the attention of other attractive women!

Mark later goes to Cindy's house. He apologizes for the way he walked out on her. She accepts the apology. He asks her to dinner. She is pleasantly surprised. But he continues, telling her that he can't see her.... (she is disheartened and starts to shut the door)... as anything other than a woman. A woman he wants to keep seeing. They hug.

Ally is finally on a dating hot-streak. As she waits for her date, another man comes to her table because of a seating confusion; he is attractive and about her age. Her date, Michael, arrives. He is a 50-something attorney who works for environmental causes. He has a good heart and is honest-appearing, but they don't have much in common... until they finally hit upon one common interest: disco. So they go dance at the bar.

The next day, she runs into the attractive man she met at the restaurant while waiting for her date. He introduces himself as Jonathan, tells her he believes in fate and asks her out.

The next day, Ally realizes she has double-booked herself for dates: she is having dinner with Michael, and having drinks with Jonathan... that same evening! But she thinks she can manage.

During dinner with Michael, she pretends to be listening as he talks, but she's really thinking of Jonathan. Michael asks her how many dates they've been on, 2 or 3, depending on whether or not lunch counts. She replies by asking if he has lied to her yet, explaining that people generally lie on the first date or two. He admits that he has lied to her. She blurts out, "You mean your wife isn't really dead?". Nope! His lie was that he doesn't really like disco. She asks what music he does like. He's afraid she'll laugh, but finally admits that he is a big fan of Neil Diamond. Ally is a bit shocked, and even more so when Michael says he used to be in a band during college. She tells him she wants him to go up to the piano and play some Neil Diamond. He does, and everyone in the restaurant loves his performance. She realizes how wonderful he is.... but he's not Jonathan...

Later, dancing with Jonathan, she thinks how great he is... but that Michael did all the grunt work of talking, winning her over with his music, etc.

When Ally arrives the next morning at the office, Elaine informs her that Jonathan has left a gorgeous bouquet of flowers, and is in the Unisex. Just then, Michael shows up. Ally begs Elaine to keep Jonathan in the Unisex until she can get rid of Michael. Elaine does this by trying to convince Jonathan that she's conducting a poll about the unisex bathroom idea, but when he doesn't want to respond to the questions at that time, she gives up and tackles him! Meanwhile, Michael is asking Ally to have dinner with his children and himself that evening, so that his family can meet her! She's surprised, but hurriedly accepts while pushing him onto the elevator. As he leaves, Jonathan emerges from the Unisex with Elaine grabbing onto his leg. Ally pretends to discipline Elaine, and sends her off. Jonathan asks her to dinner that evening, but she says she is busy - how about the next evening? It's a date.

At dinner with Michael, she first meets his daughter, whom, she observes, is probably at least as old as herself. The daughter remarks that, if things work out between Ally and her dad, she can call Ally "Mom"! Then his son arrives... Jonathan!! They are shocked to see each other.

To be continued.....

Previews for next week: Robert Downey, Jr., returns, and Ally tries to sort out her father-son dating mess, while Mark tries to adjust to dating a transgender.




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