to the Message BoardCoffeerooms Ally McBeal

The show opens with Ally being awakened by her alarm clock blasting "Addicted to Love". She slowly awakens, and all of a sudden she’s a young girl, waking up to her mother voice telling her to hurry up. Ally shrugs off the memory, and hears Renee also telling her to hurry up. Ally brushes her teeth, and again hears "Addicted to Love" and flashes back to her teenage years and to herself singing that song. She sits down on the floor and runs her hands through her hair.

Barry Philbrick is on the stand, talking about reading his wife Kelly’s diary. He said he read a series of love letters, dating back 11 years. Barry says that his wife married him for his money, and didn’t even love him then. Barry says that Kelly was 30, and was looking for husband material. He says the vows that Kelly took were all a lie. Barry confronted his wife about the diary, and she confirmed his suspicions. During Ally’s cross, we learn that the letters were addressed to a Michael Redman, but he wasn’t a real person, just a fantasy.. Barry tells Ally that Kelly loves him, but as one loves a pet or a sibling, not a husband. Kelly was never in love with him, she lied about it. Ally looks around, and she sees the judge has turned into Al Green. He’s singing, and the jury is the chorus, singing along with him. Ally tries to get the vision out of her head. After court, Ally tells John what she saw, and Kelly asks John if Ally is mental. John replies,
"Kelly, some people see things as they are, and ask why. Ally sees things as they never were."

The familiar Wicked Witch music is playing as Ling walks across the office, and bursts into Richard’s office. She throws her purse down, and throws herself onto Richard’s desk, and demands,
"Do my knee." Richard tells her no, she can’t just walk in and demand that, he has emotional needs too. Ling toys with Richard, trying to change his mind. Richard tells Ling that he wants intercourse. Richard tells her, "Ling, I’ve heard alot of talk. It’s time to put your mouth where the money is." Ling decides that she’ll sleep with him tonight. She gets Richard all hot and bothered thinking about it, and then leaves.

John and opposing counsel talk to the judge about the case. John argues that just because Kelly didn’t love her husband, doesn’t mean she committed fraud. He tries to get the case dismissed, but the judge says that Kelly’s deception was tantamount to stealing. Judge Walsh denies John’s motion. John then asks the judge how much alimony he pays, which causes the judge to ask,
"Are you looking to be held in contempt, Mr. Cage?" John replies, "Your honor, if you were suddenly to start treating me with contempt, then how would I know?" The next thing we see is John behind bars, with Ally telling him how stupid it was to argue with the judge. John tells her the whole case is outrageous. He says men lie to get women in bed, and women lie to get men into matrimony, those are the simple facts of life. When women get older, their biological clock ticks, and they compromise. Ally says that she wouldn’t settle for a husband. John says that’s only because, " You’re less afraid of being alone than most." Ally says that she’s terrified of being alone. John says she’d probably be happier being alone. "As sad as it is to want something you don’t have, it’s much worse to have something you don’t want. " John says that what Ally wants isn’t out there, and he thinks secretly she knows that. He says, "On some unconscious level I think you know that the only world that ultimately won’t end up disappointing you is the one you make up." Ally disagrees, saying she will find somebody someday, and she’s just crazy. Ally tells John she loves this world, and John says fine, maybe someday she’ll choose to live in it with the rest of us.

Ling walks into Nelle’s office, and announces that she promised Richard sex tonight. Nelle sounds pleased to hear that. Ling says it’s so messy with "Their brains all over the sheets." Elaine hears the word sex and comes running in, and says that she likes sex. Ling says it’s not that she doesn’t like sex, she doesn’t like the way men judge women on it. She says that if you’re great in bed, men always assume you’re a slut. Elaine says she’s great in bed, but then again, she’s also a slut. Ally comes walking in, supposedly just to say hi. The women can tell something is on her mind, and she finally spills it. She asks if any of them think they’ll ever find a man who is "the one". Ling and Nelle both say no, and Elaine says "Over and over again." Ally looks disappointed and mentions the case she’s working on. She again asks if people really do meet the men of their dreams, and the women are silent. Ally looks like she’s about to cry as she heads out for court.

Ally is slowly walking to court, and looking up at the sky. Once again, she’s regressed back to childhood, remembering eating a snow cone, and looking up at the sky. She jolts back to reality when she runs into a man on the street. Ally is deep in thought as she continues walking to court.

Ally is questioning Kelly, and they talk about the diary again. She talks about how she even got to the point where she imagined what the man of her dreams looked like, smelled like, etc..Ally brings her attention to the letter that Kelly wrote on her wedding day. She mentioned how lonely of a day it was, marrying a man she had no passion for. Ally and Barry both look like crying, and Kelly says that she still loves Barry.

Richard is in the unisex dancing like crazy to "Born to be Wild." Billy and Georgia walk in and Billy asks, "Sex with Ling tonight?" Richard responds, "Yeah, no biggie. Bygones." and leaves the room. Billy and Georgia talk about being single, and having sex for the first time with someone. They talk about having sex in the middle of the day, saying that’s something that single people would do. They decide it was fun to think about though. Georgia goes into the stall, and pulls Billy in with him. Billy quickly locks the door. They quickly rip each others clothes off, and the song by Rod Stewart is playing, "If you want my body, and you think I’m sexy...."

Kelly is being questioned by Ms. Foster (opposing counsel). She stresses the fact that Kelly deceived Barry by not being in love with him on her wedding day. Ally takes notice when Kelly says marriage isn’t just about passion. Ally totally relates when Kelly says,
" I think I was at a point... I didn’t think I’d ever meet anyone who’d measure up to the romanticized version of a husband I’d concocted for myself. " Kelly said when she met Barry she knew he would be a good husband and father, and on some unsconscious level maybe she was settling. She then says that maybe love is just an illusion anyway. Ally stands up and vehemently objects. The jury turns into the choir again, and the judge is now Al Green. Ally is singing along with them until the judge brings her back to reality. She withdraws her objection and sits down quickly.

Georgia and Billy are continuing to go at it in the stall, when someone walks in the unisex. It’s Elaine, who has some kind of camera thing with her. She goes up to all the stalls with this thing, I think she can see in the stalls with it. She checks them all, then looks at the camera with a smile. She then fakes like she’s leaving, but doesn’t. She gives the camera another look, and leaves the room, but Ally and John come in. Ally tells John about her fantasy with Al Green, and complains that it’s not normal for people to marry when they’re not in love. Ally is pounding on the stall door while Georgia and Billy are sweating bullets that the lock isn’t going to hold. More tense moments follow, then Ally says something about there has to be passion, and the door opens, and out falls Billy and Georgia. Georgia lands on top of Billy, and the look on their faces is priceless. Ally complains,
" It figures that the one marriage that would have passion would be THEIRS."

Ally is sitting in her bed, and again she’s in flashbacks. She remembers being a young girl, and her parents fighting alot. She would turn on the radio, tv, block out the noise.

We’re now to the highly awaited sex scene. Richard has freshened up, and heads to the bed where Ling is waiting for him. He gets into bed, where Ling presents him with a clipboard. She has two forms for him to sign, a health waiver, and a confidentiality agreement, since she has "trade secrets." Richard asks if he’s on some kind of hidden camera show. Ling says
"The camera is rolling. Action." and gets on top of him. Richard complains that she can’t just get on him and demand action. They both look under the covers and Richard says to Ling. "Look. You frightened him. He turtled. You scared him." They both look disappointed, and Ling flips on the tv to Chicago Hope.

Ally and John are trying to convince the woman’s rights activist, Ms. Camaro to get on the stand for them. John says they’ll pay her money to give her opinions in court. Ms. Camaro reminds John that she was called a
"vicious lesbian" the last time in court. John says that was all Richard’s idea. Ally promises that they won’t villify her in court.

Nelle walks up to John in her stewardess outfit, and asks if he’d like to fly the friendly skies later. John hears Barry White, but is interrupted by Richard, who drags him off to talk about his failure last night. They discuss it, and Richard says it was his first time with Ling, and he turned into string cheese. (LOL) John would love to discuss it, but says he has to get to court.

Billy is walking through the office, sporting a very bruised looking eye. Elaine questions him if it happened when he had his little tryst in the bathroom. He admits it, and then Renee comes in to talk to him. She’s worried about Ally, she’s so down about her case.


Ms. Camaro is on the stand, talking about marriages. She says that over half of them end in divorce, and as far as institutions go, this isn’t a good one. She says that Kelly went into the marriage for good reasons, companionship, stable father figure, etc.. She says her reasons are better than just going into it because you like his pecs. She says that vows are just archaic jargon, and doesn’t place much faith in them, but they also speak to total acceptance. She continues to mock marriage, and says that people would be better off if they took the same approach that Kelly did. Ms. Camaro says it’s ok for Kelly to create a fantasy life, at least she didn’t go out and cheat on her husband.

Richard is visiting a doctor, who’s giving him some kind of prescription for his "problem". Richard looks pleased to know that he shouldn’t have to worry about that problem again.

Ally is deep in thought at home with Vonda singing about love’s illusions. Renee comes to talk to her. Ally says that she’s come to the realization that her mother never loved her father. They’re still together, but she never loved him. She remembers when she was very little, walking in her mother’s bedroom, and she was there with another man. Ally says that’s when she started pretending. Renee tells her to let go, and let herself cry. Ally says she can’t, she has to go give a closing argument.

Elaine is talking on the phone to Renee, who says Ally is on her way to the closing. Ling and Nelle are talking about the fact that nothing happened and Richard steals Ling away to talk for a minute. He says that he was thrown off by the waiver, but wants another chance. He wants to show Ling the real him. He polishes off his fingers, and does the knee pit thing. He begs Ling for one more chance, and if she doesn’t agree, there won’t be any more knee pit action.

Ms. Foster is doing her closing, and stresses the fact that Kelly lied to her husband, plain and simple. Ally takes her turn, and says that the real fraud is the mindset that has been ingrained in us since childhood that we’ll get the person of our dreams. Ally stresses the fact that Kelly never left Barry, and she was never unfaithful. She shouldn’t have to be prosecuted for having fantasies, and settling for a mate. Ally says she’s spent her whole life doing what Kelly has, dreaming about her fantasy mate. Ally said it was the reasonable thing for Kelly to do, settling for Barry.

It’s time for part two of Ling and Richard’s sexual tryst. Richard is setting the mood while Ling is waiting for him. Richard jumps up onto the bed, and stands over top of Ling. He pulls off his robe to reveal his naked body. Ling obviously likes what she sees, and smiles. Richard drops down onto Ling.

The jury is back very quickly. John hopes that’s a good sign. Kelly is found not guilty, which pleases everyone, except for maybe Ally. Mr. Philbrick asks Ally if he’s crazy to think two people should be madly in love when they get married. Ally says that he’s not crazy, but that just might be their little secret.

Georgia comes into Billy’s office, and asks about his eye. He said it should be ok in a day or so and says that Georgia seems pretty pleased with their act of mischief. She gets a look in her eye, and shuts the door as Billy pulls the blinds closed.


Ling and Richard are in bed, and have done the deed. They are both drenched in sweat and Ling is very tired. The song "Love Machine" (?) is playing again, and Richard reaches for Ling, causing her to ask ‘Why isn’t it tired?’ She says she’s never had one outlast her before.

Ally and John are walking on the street, talking. John asks her to join him and Nelle, but she refuses. She wants to head home, she’s tired. Ally congratulates John on their win, and they say goodnight. Vonda is singing about love’s illusions again as Ally walks home. Ally is replaying all of the flashbacks in her head, and she’s crying as she walks home.

summary by allyfan98

It is so funny we laugh hysterically, yet other parts can make you cry.
Special thanks to allyfan98
Photographs courtesy of Fox Network

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