The show opens with Ally and Renee talking to each other while at their friend Tori's wedding. They are dressed in blue bridesmaid's dresses, and Renee comments that Tori only got married because she turned 30. Ally and Renee both hate weddings, and Renee says it's because they are alone. The bride is now ready to throw the bouquet, and Ally, looking very determined, is shown in slow-motion trying to get to the bouquet. She pushes everyone out of her way, including Renee, and Tori's Aunt Marge and slides across the floor, and finally gets the coveted bridal bouquet.
and Renee are burning their bridesmaids dresses in the fireplace, vowing to never be in another wedding. Ally says she'd rather wear her pajamas in public
than wear another bridesmaid's dress. Ally tells Renee about her latest case with Georgia. They are trying to
help a woman marry a man who's serving a life sentence in prison for hijacking a plane, and blowing up buildings.
Ally wonders why the emphasis for women is on getting married. Renee blames Disney, saying all of their classics
involve a woman trying to get a man, and cites Pocahontas, Cinderella, and Snow White as examples.
The lawyers are meeting in the conference room, talking about Ally and Georgia's case. We find out that the prisoner is in a maximum security prison. After hearing Georgia and Billy argue the merits of the case, Richard asks John to 3rd chair. He declines, as he has to go to "smile therapy" that morning. He explains that he is " prone towards sterness, facially." He thinks smiling can make you appear happy, even if you're not.
Ally and the opposing counsel have approached the bench, and are arguing
their case. The judge decides to uphold the superintendent of the prison's decision, and tells Ally if she wants
to overturn the decision, she'll have to speak to the warden.
Ally and Georgia are now visiting with the warden, Mr. Yorkin, trying to convince him to allow their client to marry the prisoner. Mr. Yorkin says that the only court recognized exceptions to the rule are if the couple has a child, or if the woman is pregnant, which she isn't. Ally asks about conjugal visits, but that's not allowed since they aren't married. And even if they were, no conjugal visits are allowed for maximum security prisoners.
Ally and Georgia are meeting with Janie, their client, and are curious as to why she wants to marry Michael. (the prisoner) She says "Because I love him, isn't that enough to want to be married?" Ally says it is, but Richard comes in, aplogizes for eavesdropping, and offers his two cents. He says that women only seek to marry to trap a man, and she doesn't need to trap Michael, he's already trapped, and isn't going anywhere.
The gang is downstairs at the bar, and Billy is wondering what kind of woman would want to marry a man who is in prison for life. Richard looks across the bar, and sees his idol- Janet Reno, the attorney general. He goes over to talk to her, and during the conversation, claims she has soot on her neck. He uses that line to touch the loose skin of her neck (another reminder of his wattle fetish) and the gang is watching in amazement. Someone else sees him fingering Janet's wattle- Whipper. She's furious with him. Ally is watching them and says she knows that body language, and sees the image of the dumpster, and Whipper proceeds to break up with Richard.
is in Richard's office, again talking about smile therapy. He tries to get Richard to smile, but he doesn't want to, he's upset about the break-up with
Whipper. John persists, and Richard says "If that troubles you, go stand on a railroad track, and take
a moment". Instead of saying anything, John practices his smiling technique. He says that remark troubled
him, but it helps to smile in times of upset. Richard then exits his office, calling John a "cracker".
Richard is headed for the unisex, and Ally follows him in, wanting to talk about Whipper. She says that if he wants Whipper back, he can't deny what happened last night. Ally offers to talk to Whipper for him, and he agrees.
Janie tells Georgia, Billy, and Ally that Michael went nuts, and was put in solitary confinement, and now she can't even visit him. She offers alternative strategies, but Georgia says they've already tried those. Billy says they could try again, Judge Smart is all about moods, it just depends what kind of mood you catch him in. Janie agrees, and wants the lawyers to try again.
Ally is talking with Whipper about Richard. Whipper says that considering Richard's fetish, for him to touch a neck, is comparable for a man to kiss a woman. Whipper thinks that Janet Reno is a threat to her, since she's smart, and powerful. Whipper says she's caught Richard watching tv late at night, watching Janet Reno. She says, "He's got something for that woman".
Richard is apologizing to John for his harsh words, and is still upset about Whipper. He's says there's no way of getting back together without agreement on one issue- marriage. John asks Richard why he doesn't want to get married. Richard replies with "Over 50% of marriages end in divorce, more than half". John says he'll tell Richard how to get back with Whipper.
Ally, Renee, and Janie are at the apartment. Renee feels that Georgia should be the one to flirt with the judge, since Ally has a "natural pout". Ally says she has pouty lips, but a radiant smile. Ally asks Janie if there is anything else that she can take to the judge, and asks her if she really needs that piece of paper. Janie says, maybe not, but "I want it". Janie wants to marry Michael, and wants the whole world to know of the vow she'd take. Janie says that although Michael isn't physically with her, she sings to him every night. Renee offers that Ally sings to someone she's not even sure is real. Ally sings "Goodnight, My Someone" and Janie sings "For Your Love" . Janie starts playing the piano, and singing her song, with Renee joining in, and Ally dancing with the blow-up doll, David.
John and Richard are in the unisex, with John giving Richard pointers in preparing for his talk with Whipper. He looks in the mirror, sees himself for who he is, then for who he wants to be, and hears the bells tolling for him. Richard tries it, but only hears a cowbell. John says to keep practicing, and when he hears it, to go to her.
Elaine is giving Ally some pointers on how to flirt with the judge, and adds that in a pinch, she alludes to not wearing any underwear. Ally doesn't think that will apply to her. Janie comes in, saying she couldn't wait at home, and says she thinks she's ovulating. That gives Ally an idea, and Ally says she'll be back in an hour.
Ally is attempting to flirt with the judge, but he's on to her. She gets down to business, and says she'd like a court order to allow Michael to make sperm deposits, and Janie could be "the bank". Then if she were to get pregnant, the state would have a compelling interest in the two getting married.
Richard is in Whipper's office now, and is shocked to see her wearing a turtleneck. She says she wasn't taking any chances. Richard proceeds to try to win her back, while hearing the bells, and says she locates too much of her self-esteem in her neck. He then comments on the beauty of her body parts. She says " You left out my eyes, and you left out my lips, and my soft, soft, Midas Touch hands, and my thighs, and most of all, Nookie, you left out my knee", and she then applies her knee to his unmentionables, and he staggers around the room in pain, while the bells are tolling repeatedly.
Ally tells Georgia and Janie about her success with the judge. Janie
thinks she should be happy, but doesn't appear to be. Ally says that Michael would contribute the sperm, then
Janie would be waiting at a fertility clinic for it. Then if Janie gets pregnant, then she'll be allowed to marry
Michael. The only catch is that Michael is only allowed to be visited by his lawyers since he's in solitary.
Janie says "I can't have contact with him, but I can get pregnant by him?" Ally then adds "This is why I went into law- nuance." Billy approaches them, saying it's all crazy,
and Ally has this to add "We're lawyers Billy, that's our job-distort the law beyond all common sense".
Georgia and Ally head off to the prison, plastic container in hand.
Ally and Georgia have arrived at the prison, and filled Michael in on the latest developments in the case. He thinks the whole thing is kind of crazy, but agrees to make the sperm deposits. He asks Ally and Georgia if they would stand back, so he could look at them, but they tell him he should be thinking of Janie.
Mr. Yorkin (the warden) has arrived to talk with Ally and Georgia. They talk about Janie and Michael, and Ally says that if he were to really think about it, would any marriage make sense?? "They love each other Mr. Yorkin, and it's not just enough, it's everything". Mr. Yorkin asks for the container, and heads off to give it to Michael. Ally and Georgia are making small talk, waiting for the sample to arrive. They argue over who's going to carry it, now that it has arrived, and Georgia gets stuck with it.
is talking with Janie on her cellular phone on the way to the clinic. She promises to be there soon, and to save time, goes down a one way street. Of
course, a cop spots her, and pulls her over. He wants to know if she's been drinking, and what's in the container.
Ally reluctantly hands it over, and he smells it, but can't determine what it is. The woman officer who's with
him, smells it, and says "Everything that a man truly has to offer a woman, it's in that cup".
Ally and Georgia finally arrive at the clinic, and Janie has changed her mind about having a baby in this way. She flushes the semen down the drain. Mr. Yorkin has arrived, and says he's changed his mind, he will allow Janie and Michael to marry. Janie wants Georgia and Ally to be her bridesmaids, since they've done so much for her. Ally agrees, but knows she's lost the bet to Renee about never being a bridesmaid.
Richard is waiting in Whipper's chambers for her, and tells her he loves her more than ever. She's cracking up when she really Richard is wearing a cup, to avoid further kneeing incidents.
Janie and Michael get married, and Georgia and Ally are the bridesmaids. After the ceremony, Ally thanks Mr. Yorkin, and says to expect them in court, demanding conjugal visits. Michael thanks Mr. Yorkin too, and then wants to tell Georgia and Ally a secret. He says that when he was giving his sample, he imagined them as *together* and admits to fiddling around with his sister's dolls when he was younger.
That night, Ally goes outside to find all of her friends there. She honors her promise to Renee and dances in the street in her (famous) sheep pajamas. Vonda is singing a song about the whole world smiling with you as the credits roll.
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