The show opens with Ally calmly doing her grocery shopping. She comes down the potato chip aisle, and sees a red-haired lady putting a can of Pringles back on the shelf (the last can, of course). The lady starts looking at another brand, and Ally reaches for the can of Pringles. Ally and the woman start exchanging words, as the lady claims that she wanted the Pringles, she only sat them down for a second. The argument gets heated, and the lady takes the potato chips from Ally. The lady starts to walk away, but Ally trips her, and she falls down.
The lady is taken away in the stretcher, with a head laceration, and Ally is taken away in handcuffs. At the station, a cop approaches, and says there's another problem. They reviewed the video tape of the dispute, and are adding a charge of shoplifting. It seems that Ally was seen putting a tube of contraceptive jelly in her pocket.
Back at the apartment, Renee and Ally are talking about Ally's upcoming court appearance.Renee is going to act as the DA and will try to hurry the case through, but advises Ally to get herself a lawyer. Ally first calls Richard, but he is otherwise occupied, and then tries to call Billy. He barely wakes up but assures Ally he'll meet her at the courtroom. Renee makes a call, and says Judge Happy Boyle is sitting first session. Ally says he's the one "that likes hookers and clean teeth." Renee wants to talk about the contraceptive jelly, but Ally doesn't.
Billy, Ally, and Renee are heading into the courtroom, and Billy wants to know the factsabout the case. Ally is embarrassed, and says Renee knows them, just follow her lead. Renee tells Judge Boyle that she'd like to get this case over quickly. He calls Ally up to his bench, and examines her teeth. He realizes that she's been in his courtroom before, and Billy interrupts, saying that she has been there with him, she's a lawyer. Billy presents Ally's dental records as proof of her dental hygiene and character, and the judge rules in favor of Ally, saying "you behave yourself, you little vixen".
Ally has returned to the law firm, and Elaine proudly announces that she sold her "face bra" invention. She's even going to make an infomercial, and wants Ally to close the deal. Richard interrupts, and asks Ally "what's this I'm hearing about you kicking a woman senseless?" Richard says that Judge Boyle made a report to the Board of Bar Overseers, and Ally's license has been suspended until a hearing is held.
Ally and the gang are down at the bar talking about Ally's upcoming hearing. Billy doesn't think they want to suspend Ally, just look her over a little. Elaine announces the names of board members attending the hearing: Henrietta Fullham, Johnson Hawk, and Marshall Pink. Richard says it could be bad news, they're all very conservative people. Ally is really distressed upon hearing that.
Ally, Richard, and Billy are in the courtroom viewing the videotape from the grocery store.Billy tries to argue that there's been no criminal finding against Ally, but Henrietta Fullham says "it's not about criminal wrongdoing, it's about mental fitness". Each one of the board members bring up a past incident where Ally acted kind of crazy, the assault at the grocery store, the outburst against the man on the street, the eulogy she gave at Professor Dawson's funeral, the dental records that were submitted at the hearing etc. Ally says she would like to explain the circumstances of each incident, and the members say she can speak her piece tomorrow at an evidentiary hearing.
Ally, Richard, and Billy are now back at the law firm, and Elaine comes up to them, saying she's been subpoenaed, which she is happy about. The trio looks very worried, and Ally realizes that she's seen Marshall Pink somewhere before, he's a friend of Jack Billings- they think maybe this is payback for Ally suing Jack.
Ally is talking to Renee about her life and her failures. "You're supposed to be able to send your whole life to the dry cleaners, and it's supposed to come back all pretty and neat on a hanger ". Renee agrees, but wants to talk about the tube of spermicidal jelly. She thinks that Ally isn't over Billy, and says to Ally "you're not a sexually spontaneous person." The tube of jelly "has an intended". Ally disagrees, and makes reference to Omar Sharif in Funny Girl.
Ally is now in the courtroom again, and the red-haired lady from the grocery store is talking. She said Ally definitely acted out of malice, but the board members are more interested in Ally's mental state leading to the event. Billy and Richard are talking later, and Richard thinks Ally is a little unstable, and says that Cheanie took his business elsewhere, for the same reason. Billy stands firm that "She's fine".
Elaine is now being questioned about some statements she's made about Ally. It seems that Elaine has said some pretty damaging things, one being "She was two thirds of a Rice Krispie, she's already snapped and crackled, and she's close to the final pop ". Elaine is definitely enjoying being on the stand, and has turned the conversation onto herself as usual, and tells about her face bra. She then spouts out this speech: "She was only erratic at that funeral because she'd had an extramarital affair with the dead professor that she was eulogizing. And as for that emotional instability that everybody's talking about, that's only because she was suddenly thrust into a working relationship with a man that she still loves, which isn't that absurd? Given that they were sweethearts since childhood, where they'd sniff each others buttocks in the park. There is nothing wrong with her!! " The board is speechless.
Afterwards, back at the office, Elaine apologizes to Ally. Ally said she should have known that she was dead when Elaine sided with her. Ally thinks that Elaine said all those damaging things to Ronald Cheanie, but Elaine says she told them to Judge Cone (Whipper).
Ally has gone to see Whipper. Whipper says she had a "legal duty" to tell the board she had information that Ally was mentally unstable. She didn't say that she believed it, just that it had been reported to her. She thinks that Jack Billings started rumors about Ally being erratic. "Add to the talk that you committed two physical assaults, shoplifted, and have a secretary that said you were on the verge of having a nervous breakdown, I had to recommend that they at least check you out ". Ally wonders if she's nuts and Whipper says "No, but I'm not sure that you have two feet on the ground either ". Ally says "You mean some people do?"
Ally is now at her hearing and is being questioned about the grocery store incident. The eulogy is again brought up, and Ally starts to get a little emotional. This is one of her best phrases : "And as for all the other evidence against me, that stuff about me being emotional, falling in love with men whose bottoms I've smelled, submitting x-rays to a judge who has a tooth fetish and sleeps with hookers, snapping at pedestrians who think that a square shoulder can be mitigated by ' I'm sorry ' . I am human, I am temperamental, I am guilty."
Afterwards, Billy is expressing concern to Ally, he says she seems a little off balance. He wants to know about the contraceptive jelly, and Ally says it's her " lottery ticket". It's not like she would win the lottery, but she likes to buy them, and think "what if?" She had the same reason for buying the jelly, what if?? She wanted to be prepared, just in case she met someone and knew right off that he's the one. Ally wants to know how her life got to be such a mess, and Billy has this thought, "You've always been ahead of your time". Billy says tomorrow she needs to go into the courtroom and apologize for her outburst, and stay contained. He thinks she'll be ok, and she agrees.
Judge Boyle comes into Whipper's office and starts undressing. Seems he's got the wrong office, AGAIN. Whipper doesn't seem surprised, and then asks him about Ally. He says that she is pushy, and thinks that just because she's pretty, she can get away with violence.
The gang is back at the courtroom, and Ally is given a chance to say some final words before the board rules. Ally apologizes and says she is under some stress, but the clients will still receive the highest level of representation. Ally is then asked if she would consent to a psychiatric evaluation, and her blood boils. They are interrupted by Whipper, who says "A man acts passionate, we call him impassioned -a woman, she's emotional ". She was wrong to turn Ally in. She says Ally is most guilty of being female. Mr. Hawk says that Whipper isn't a good character witness, she's a bit of a kook herself. Billy then speaks up, and ends his assessment of Ally's character with this: " If you use your gavel to even slightly squash what makes her, you don't know her ". Billy had a tear in his eye while saying this. (as did I ) A short break was taken, and the members are back with their verdict. They said without passing judgment on Ally's mental state, they are sure of two things. Ally has a loyal following, and that if they rule against her, no doubt she'd appeal, and they'd have to deal with all of them again. The vote was unanimous not to suspend Ally's license.
Everyone is celebrating the victory at the bar downstairs. Everyone wants to dance, but Ally decides to cut out early. She thanks everyone for their help, and especially Billy, although she said his testimony definitely didn't help. Ally goes upstairs and calls her parents. She talks to her dad for a minute, but since she woke him up, she doesn't say much, and says goodbye.
A song is playing by Vonda now, about "go ahead, cry now... it's a hundred tears away.." Ally finally reflects on recent events, and cries, and lets everything out as the credits roll.
It is so funny we laugh hysterically, yet other parts can make you cry.
Special thanks to Wendy S.
Photographs courtesy of Fox Network
Copyright © 1998, w3PG, inc.