One Life to Love
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September 13-17 1999

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Break out the Pepto! There was a real epidemic of green-around-the-gills last week in Llanview:

Asa needed a Maalox chaser with his bourbon and branchwater when he realized newfound "son" Max was married to his least-favorite ex-wife.

LOL at Renee's stricken expression when Blair called her "Mama". That's gotta hurt!

The usually unflappable Sam Rappaport flipped his lid when he found out Will was going to work for Asa.

A couple day's later, Lindsay went into her own patented feral kitty routine in reaction to the same news.

Roseanne almost freaked when Jessica showed up at Cris's apartment and later at the diner.

When Jessica realized Cris was going to New York with Roseanne, the poor girl went two shades paler -- if that's possible.

Ben looked like he needed a doctor when he discovered Viki was retaining Skye as The Banner’s style editor.

I'm glad the cat is out of the bag about Max and Blair's marital status. It's tons of fun watching Renee, Asa, Max, and Blair try to play happy family. Little Starr is doing her mama proud with her highhanded treatment of Asa. When that stuffed animal made direct contact with Asa's noggin and mussed up his comb-over, I couldn't tell if Asa's annoyance was in character or Phil Carey's true reaction was coming through.

However, the rock-bottom dumbest plot point of the week was having Max carry around proof of the real missing Buchanan in his coat pocket, then ditching the evidence in Asa's office trash can -- only to find it missing when he went back to retrieve it. So, who's got the goods now? My guess: Nigel. And speaking of unbelievable, Max's crisis of conscience about deceiving Asa and Renee is too little, too late -- and WAY out of character, especially when it comes to concern for poor ol’ “Pa.”

Skye's attempts at rekindling the spark with estranged hubby Ben fell flatter than a pre-Viagra Bob Dole. I appreciate the way the writers are staying true to Skye's character as originally conceived on All My Children. One thing that's remained tried and true for Skye Chandler throughout her various incarnations: She always picks the wrong man. Savvy viewers also noted the show's subtle nod to Skye’s status as a recovering alcoholic when she glanced longingly at a glass of champagne at the Banner party last week. I can remember her ordering many a champagne cocktail at the Valley Inn bar soooo many years ago. Ah, the memories of a long-time soap fan... Poor Skye, Ben practically screamed "Eeek, cooties!" when she tried to vamp him in her hotel room -- the big sissy!

After Monday's show I was all ready to scold Viki: "Hey lady, what do you want: your dignity or your man? Sure you can play the proper ladylike role and keep your distance until Ben manages to extricate himself from Skye or you can summon up Nikki Smith and fight for your fella." But by Tuesday, I was ready to give her a standing ovation for cleverly trumping her rival. Holding Skye to her contract with The Banner and threatening legal action if she quits, must've given Viki at least some satisfaction. Too bad baby-boy Ben couldn't appreciate Blondie's savvy strategy. Doesn't this former wise guy remember the old mob tenet about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer?

Asa's plot to use Will against Sam is humming along nicely. The scene in Sam's office was very lively with some crackling dialogue, especially between Nora and Asa. Personally, I think it would be a good lesson for Will to have Asa hang him out to dry. Though considering the sneaky stunt he pulled on Cris (convincing him that going to New York was in Jessica's best interests), the two could end up thick as thieves. Unfortunately, a few days later a similar scene at Asa's mansion involving Lindsay fizzled out. It's just a guess, but does Asa plan to make it look like Will is embezzling from Megan's Foundation?

I must confess that I haven't been the world's biggest Cris/Jess booster, but their poignant goodbye scene at Cris's apartment brought a lump to my throat and made a believer out of this cynical old dame. Damnit, those two crazy kids belong together! I was cheering when Jess (finally) came to her senses and realized what she was throwing away. Too bad she let that manipulative minx Roseanne do a number on her, convincing Jess that she’s all wrong for Cris and accusing her of standing in the way of his dream of studying art. Why oh why, didn't Carlotta tell Cris that Jessica was looking for him???

Tea and R.J. were back on the scene this week. Now I think Tea and R.J. have the makings of a good couple, but how can I get invested in their burgeoning relationship when I don't see either one for weeks on end and the romance progresses almost entirely offscreen? Looks like the show is setting up a conflict between law-and-order Tea vs. bend-the-rules R.J. Boring. Remember when Tea first came to Llanview as an ambitious conniving defense attorney? That's the woman who belongs with R.J., not this bland Pollyanna.

Well, the rape story is rushing toward its finale -- no thanks to the LPD. First of all, since when has Brian been off their radar as a suspect? As far as I know, the only person who investigated Creep-Boy's alibi for the night the policewoman was raped was Joey, so how come John Skyes was blabbing away to Dr. Rae about the rapist within earshot of the guy? Is he too busy making goo-goo eyes to notice the fact that suspect Numero Uno is standing two feet away!!! Next, he opened a note the rapist left for Rae without using rubber gloves and then let Rae tag along on the investigation. Sheesh!

Meanwhile, Brian has kidnapped the oh-so-easily duped Ms. Kelly Cramer. How stomach-churning was it to watch Kelly pretending to be enamored of Brian in an effort to win the upper hand. She does need to keep her cool and control the situation in order to survive, but at what cost!

My favorite scene of the week was that delicious orgy of mutual tongue-lashing twixt Nora and Lindsay -- these two are fabulous adversaries. I loved it when Nora warned Lindsay that she would find out her secret about the night of the accident.

And lastly, this week's tidbits and observations:

  • Skye is the first person since Dorian to utter the "Y" word (younger) in connection with Ben and Viki.
  • Poor Cris, he can't even enjoy a cold beer without his clinging vine pseudo-girlfriend grilling him on his motivations.
  • I can't be the only one wondering this: Why doesn't Dorian contact Madame Delphina to find out who's terrorizing her?
  • How about Rae's blatant eavesdropping on Viki's conversation with Skye. I'm surprised to could tear herself away long enough to scamper off to breakfast with Johnny-poo.
  • So how come Will is so civil to Kelly, given her "Dorian-connection."
  • Lots of allusion to Jennifer Rappaport lately. Hmmm...
  • I was happy to see Kelly and Jess engaging in a little girltalk. This friendship has been practically forgotten. (The longstanding bond between Viki and Renee has been entirely forgotten -- to make room for nosey Dr. Rae, I presume.)
  • The prop department needs to take a better look at the script: First Kelly promised Joey she would lock her car door for safety (against the rapist) -- two scenes later, she jumped into a convertible.
  • Poor Sophia was trussed up in that psycho's closet for over a week (talk about bladder control!) and she still couldn't get Joey's sympathy!

Till next week!

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