One Life to Love
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May 29-June 2 2000

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OLTL is definitely back on track. The Nora situation is compellingly gothic, Bo got smacked upside the head by a hilarious twist of fate, the teen trio is on the move (thank god!) in a lively new predicament, and the hilarious goings-on at Buke Manor are a riot!

I’ll admit it threw me at first, but now I’m loving this hidden Nora story. I mean, if everyone found out Nora was alive, what would happen next? Nothing. This way, the opportunity for major fall-out is tremendous: Lindsay is digging herself a deeper and deeper hole, Bo is sorely tempted to lay claim to Matthew, Colin is tested morally, and Nora regains the heroine high ground (something she’d lost, IMO, for her role in Lindsay’s miscarriage).

Back at the cabin, Antonio stonewalled the cops about the teen trio’s whereabouts, even though Sykes advised him that a voluntary surrender was in everyone’s best interests. Then Roseanne showed up and (naturally) got another big fat lecture from Antonio, who told her to go ahead and take the diner, because it was "over," and she was out of their lives.

Meanwhile, Jess, Cris, and Will decided to stop for some fast food before continuing on the lam (didn’t they just eat a bunch of tacos?). Jess stuffed her hair into a baseball cap to look like a guy and throw the cops off the scent. Then she jumped into the back of a van, but before the fellas could join her, the van’s owners showed up and drove off. The boys tracked down the van to some warehouse where they discovered Jessica all decked out in New Wave drag.

Seems the two guys who own the van are a band (don’t you need three people for a band?) that plays various one-night gigs around the state, and they’re more than willing to take on "Meg" as their backup singer and "Bill" and "Jose" as their roadies. This is actually a fun little twist.

After hearing Viki’s story about her "dream" of seeing Nora, Ben showed up at Cherryvale to investigate. Meanwhile, Lindsay had upped the ante by offering Colin money to recoup his bad business investments in addition to her promise to help him get Melanie back. So Colin told Ben that Cherryvale’s mystery Jane Doe wasn’t Nora. Ben didn’t believe him at first, but clever Colin pulled a patient switcheroo (stashing Nora in the morgue – ewwww!) to throw Ben off the track. Then he moved Nora to his house.

Colin needs to reacquaint himself with the Hippocratic Oath, starting with the injunction "First, do no harm." It can’t have been good for Nora to be stuck in the morgue, and even though she’s comfortable enough at his house, where’s the necessary medical equipment to monitor her progress?

Colin’s conscience was beginning to kick in when Lindsay showed up waving at big fat check. Colin was sorely tempted but refused to cooperate – until Lindsay told him Nora was Sam’s main squeeze. The chance to stick it to Sammy Boy was fresh motivation for Colin to maintain his silence.

Still, Colin’s not completely heartless. He demanded to know exactly how long Lindsay meant to keep Nora out of sight ("a couple weeks tops"). And he assured Lindsay that he would not let Nora get hurt.

Then Colin handed Lindsay the envelope with Nora’s personal effects, but before she discovered the all-important tape of Asa’s confession, Bo called, so Lindsay left the envelope with Colin.

Meanwhile, Nora is improving by leaps and bounds. Question: Now that Nora’s awake, how can Colin continue to keep her hidden? She’s already asking for Bo (that’s right, Bo – not Sam!), forcing Colin to fob her off with some lame excuse about not being well enough for visitors. When she asked Colin where she was, he said she was at a convalescent home. Nora’s no dummy, Colin is gonna have to keep her doped up to pull this off.

When Sam told Ben the teen trio was on the lam, Ben agreed to help find them. Then Ben broke the news to Viki and promised to make sure Jess was safe. Thank heavens Ben finally got off the pity pot. His current "man of action" persona is much more appealing.

Then Sam showed up at Asa’s to put a scare into him about Jessica. Yessiree, if Will goes down, so does Jess. Asa
huffed and puffed, but I think Sam got to him. But Sam overplayed his hand by telling Asa he couldn’t hurt him anymore because everyone he cared about was gone. Don’t be too sure said Asa (meaning Matthew).

Later, Sam told Ben about his visit from Renee and said he was thinking of heading back to Vegas to do some nosing around. Sam is desperate for leverage with Asa to help Will. Ben tried to convince him to leave it alone which made Sam suspicious. He knows Ben has a big fat secret that involves Max, but Ben is keeping a tight lip for the time being.

Back in Llanview, Lindsay was attempting to keep up her end of the bargain with Colin, but when she found Melanie at Sam’s holding Matthew, she blurted out, "What are you doing with my baby?" "My baby," Lindsay? In fact, Lindsay was downright rude to her sister, which is pretty dumb since she needs to convince her to take back Colin. Lindsay soon realized her mistake, retracted her claws, and began singing Colin’s praises. At first, Melanie thought her sister was genuinely interested in her marital woes, then she wised up and asked Lindsay, "What’s in it for you." – Guess, she knows her sister pretty well!

Over at the LPD, John Sykes brought in Jeff Barnes (complete with slap-able smirk!) for Bo to interview. Bo quizzed Barnes about the DNA switcheroo (or abortive switcheroo, whichever the case may be). Barnes played dumb, so Bo tried to act like a hard guy (that was good for a laugh). When Barnes wouldn’t cooperate, Bo had him tossed in jail. More flagrant disregard for legal procedure and civil liberties by "good guy" Bo Buchanan – unbelievable! And what’s the point of asking Barnes? I mean, he’s not exactly the poster boy for credibility. Just re-test, dammit!

Antonio stopped by Bo’s office to hand in his application to the police academy. Even though Bo had encouraged him to join, he gave Antonio a stern (and wildly hypocritical) lecture about personal and professional boundaries.

Then Bo called Lindsay to see if she’d have better luck with Barnes. Lindsay decided this was the perfect time to introduce Melanie to the new man in her life. Midge had a big ol’ chuckle when Bo and Melanie came face-to-face again in this new and extremely awkward context. Ha Ha Ha! Now I understand why Bo and Melanie had their little one-nighter. In your face, Lindsay! How fabulous is it that Llanview’s biggest Secret Queen is completely in the dark on this one!

While Lindsay tried to get the truth out of Barnes in his cell, Melanie and Bo had a little private chat and quickly agreed that telling Lindsay about their little "encounter" wasn’t a good idea. Gee, I thought honesty was the best policy?

Naturally, Jeff Barnes wasn’t any more forthcoming with Lindsay than he was with Bo. Oh, he’s willing to say whatever she wants to hear – for a price.

Then R.J. paid a little visit to the LPD. Seems every cop in Llanview is giving him tickets for everything from jaywalking to parking violations. R.J. thinks it’s harassment, and he’s right! Bo just laughed it off. Unfortunately for Bo, R.J. just happened to catch wind of the Jeff Barnes situation. Clever R.J. wasted no time in making Mr. Barnes’s acquaintance. These two smooth operators might have mutual interests. Go R.J.!! I’ve always loved Bo, and I guess I still do, but his attitude lately stinks, and I’d love to see him brought down. R.J. was dead on when he asked Bo, "What do you know about obeying the law?" In his own pious way, Bo is just as arrogant as big bad Asa.

Meanwhile, back at Colin’s house, Nora was asking for Matthew. You can tell Colin likes having Nora under his control in a creepy way, but when he found out Nora has a baby, he felt guilty and headed to the Llanview police station to straighten things out. Unfortunately, he ran into Bo. Colin and Bo quickly squared off in a chest-puffing contest. Colin was "this close" to revealing the truth about Nora, but Bo’s smug self-righteousness drove him away. Even though Bo tried to act all high-and-mighty, I think Colin got the best of the exchange.

Next, Colin stopped by Lindsay’s where Melanie almost overheard them conspiring. A quick-thinking Colin told his errant wife he was looking for her and made another pitch for reconciliation. Melanie seemed a bit more tempted this time (now that she knows Bo and Lindsay are together), but ultimately stood her ground.

After Melanie left, Colin lit into Lindsay for failing to mention that Nora has a child. Colin said their deal was off because it was too cruel to keep a mother from her child (plus the fact that Lindsay’s check bounced). Can Lindsay change Colin’s mind?

Finally, some action on the Kelly/Joey/Kevin front. This triangle has been languishing for weeks, but now that Jess is in danger, Kevin thinks the Banner and Sun (i.e., he and Kelly) should work together to bring Jess home safely. Deja vu anyone? Isn’t this how Kevin and Cassie heated up?

Another story that’s picking up steam is Rae’s search for her daughter. After some encouragement from Kevin, Rae
agreed to return to her job at the Banner and use her column to reach out to her long lost daughter. But why is she telling people that "her friend" is looking for her daughter. Why keep it a secret?

Rae accompanied John and Sophia for a celebratory lunch at the Country Club in honor of Sophia’s acceptance into the police academy. Although Sophia’s appreciation for John and Rae’s kindness is very touching, she hasn’t completely lost her spunky edge. LOL when John reminded her that a gun is "not a fashion accessory." I also loved Sophia’s dismissive comment about her pending training: "It’s not medical school."

When Skye stopped by their table to flirt with John, she asked if Rae was a "chaperone for the kids." Meow! So Rae followed her into the ladies room and told her to stay away from John or she’d "cut her heart out." I like Rae, but why doesn’t she invest in some good conditioner and a sturdy comb?

Over at Buke Manor, Max got an eyeful when Blair and Skye showed up in dueling teddies. Then Blair gave Max an earful for giving Skye that incriminating legal document. When Max tried to retrieve the paper from Skye, she decided to keep it as her own little insurance policy.

Later in the week, Asa had a conniption fit when one of Max’s business deals went south. Seems BE was outbid by an upstart company called B&B United (gee, does B&B = Blair & Ben?). I’m glad Blair is finally making some headway in her quest for payback.

Asa, Renee, Max, and Blair went to lunch at the Country Club to celebrate Asa recovery. But Asa wound up with a major case of indigestion. First Kevin gave him a royal snub when Asa asked he and Kelly to join them. Then when Skye showed up (as Asa’s request), Renee sided with Blair and said that if Skye didn’t leave, she would. Then Kelly and Kevin tossed their respective papers’ damning front pages in Asa’s face. When Asa told Blair to fire Kelly, Blair said she’d love to, but she unfortunately had been forced to sell some of her shares in the Sun to Kelly when Max threatened to divorce her (of course, she’d done nothing of the kind!). Asa ranted and raved until the maitre de asked him (ever so nicely) to keep his voice down or leave as the other guests were complaining! Hee hee!

Later, Blair and Skye tussled in the ladies room. And Blair paid homage to Valley of the Dolls by "treating" Skye to an impromptu hair washing in the Country Club loo! But wicked Skye got her revenge later on by drugging Blair and cutting off her hair (a clever way to handle the transition to KdP’s smart new short ‘do!)

SNIPPETS

When Asa saw Lindsay and Melanie together, he asked, "Who’s the clone?" Maybe Asa watches The Guiding Light!

Renee let loose with a full-fledged belly laugh when she heard what Blair had done to Skye. LOL when she said "Go Blair!"

Can you believe Asa had the nerve to reproach Lindsay for failing to deliver Matthew when he completely reneged on his part of their deal!?!

Quick thinking by Kelly and Blair when Skye almost caught them plotting against Max and Asa in the ladies room!

I realize that cops are routinely lame and ineffectual on the soaps, but the inability of OLTL’s various cops and troupers to spot Cris and Will is too much!

My god, if Rae’s column is generating that much mail (sacks and sacks like in Miracle on 34th St.), she should have her own TV show!

Wouldn’t it be a kick if Cris and Will got tired of waiting for Jess and ran off with each other?

So is Rachel really gone? Is she gone for good or just for now? I’m confused.

All these allusions to Colin’s supposed prowess in the bedroom are getting embarrassing!

How is it that Colin can just leave the clinic with one of the patients?

Seems to me that Sam spends more time with Matthew than Nora used to.

So does Skye just happen to have a supply of knockout powder on hand? Is that standard gear in the Soap Vixen Survival Kit?

You know, some time down the road, I could see Colin hooking up with either Blair or Skye.

Does Viki sit up her in attic all day?

I loved the moment when Nora woke up and murmured Lindsay’s name right in the middle of one of Lindsay’s anti-Nora rants – Lindsay almost jumped out of her skin!

Where is Starr? With the current toxic atmosphere at Buke Manor, she might be better off with Todd.

So where did Jess get those wild clothes?

Gee Lindsay, why should Jeff Barnes care about Bo’s dilemma vis-à-vis Matthew? Bo hasn’t exactly given Mr. Barnes the "red carpet" treatment?

How is Colin gonna get Melanie back with Nora parked in their marital bed?

Where did Lindsay come up with the ready cash to bribe Colin? I thought she had used up her whole settlement from Clint when she bribed Jeff Barnes? Guess that’s why the check bounced.

Gee, Roseanne, you admitted to Antonio that Cris looks at Jess in a way he’s never looked at you – so wise up and cut your losses already!

Not to sound too indelicate, but is Colin on bedpan detail?

Props to the writers for their use of history and respect for detail about Blair and Kelly’s co-ownership of the Sun.

I miss Carlotta!

Bo told Melanie he understands what Sam is going through because he lost his son Drew. Well, what about when he lost Sara and Didi? That’s a better comparison.

Just watching the emotions play across Lindsay’s face not knowing if Colin would keep Nora’s presence a secret or not –now that’s acting!

Talk about a blast from the past, Blair and Max actually mentioned Melador!

Did Colin refer to Nora as Sam’s "mistress"? That’s like something out of the 1800s!

Bo praised Antonio for his "compassion." But Roseanne might disagree!

It was hilarious watching Renee’s deadpan reaction while Asa sang Max’s praises. I don’t think Pat Elliot has ever had such good material, and she’s making the most of it!

Melanie was nice not to tell Bo the real reason she and her sister were estranged.


Till next week!

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